Scripting For Success TM Meets Enlightened Comedy

Got Math?

2011-04-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

"Apparently 4 out 3 people have problems with fractions!"

Written for people who can laugh at their limited math skills
©2011 Ruth Anne Wood

Marble Works Vs Dominos

2011-04-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

HUSBAND: You went number two that fast? We just ate!

WIFE: It's true, I have a much faster metabolism.

HUSBAND: So true

WIFE: Think of it this way. My metabolism is Marble Works. You take the plastic pieces and quickly assemble them. Then you drop the marble in the top and it's down at the bottom in seconds. However your GI is elaborately positioned Dominos that wind throughout the house and take hours to set up.

Written for people who care about fast metabolisms
©2011 Ruth Anne Wood

Gourmet Getaway

2011-03-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

Gourmet Getaway... the one place where a foodie can go on her birthday and have "one of everything please!!"

Written for people who love to eat out
©2011 Ruth Anne Wood

Gary Vaynerchuk and Conan O'Brian Crush It

2010-05-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks Gary Vaynerchuk and Conan O'Brian! This is Enlightened Comedy at its finest!

Gary Vaynerchuk on Conan O'Brien from Kevin Cupp on Vimeo.

Laughter Club

2010-05-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

Dirty Business

2010-03-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

Marketing Person: My friend has a Mitas touch. Everything he does turns into gold.

Designer: Really?

Marketing Person: Ya, he just throws $30,000 at it and it is successful.

Designer: So what's he doing this time?

Marketing Person: From our brief conversation he had this idea start a port-a-john business.

Programmer: I heard you can make a shit-load of money in that business.

Written for people who know how to get shit done.
©2010 Jason Wood

How To Be Funny

2010-03-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Staney has a way to break down the elements of humor and does a good job how to use it to be funny. It's my favorite science class to date. :-) I don't like his strategy he uses to make other annoying people into an idiot using humor but that's just me. And my husband doesn't like it when I unconsciously use one of the How to Be Funny techniques to flirt with the opposite sex. I guess I don't blame him. Anyway Stanley offers a nice money back guarantee and it's a fun read. I actually got more excited with each new technique.

Click Here!

My Favorite Things

2010-03-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

On your birthday this month, I thought you'd get a kick out of the item
below--and hope that you get to enjoy your special day!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Birthday song for you

To commemorate her 69th birthday, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews
made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie, THE SOUND
OF MUSIC.

However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, open back "dresses,"
Polident, Fi xodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
It's then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

THE RESPONSE:
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes, and she also was asked for and gave repeated encores.

MY TWO CENTS:
I imagine that the above did not take place for a few minutes; i.e., until
all had a chance to rise from their seats. (After you reach a certain age,
it does take longer to stand up after sitting.)

***** PLEASE NOTE *****

Above was originally run in BLAINESWORLD, my weekly newsletter . . . if you're not getting it and want to be added to FREE mailing list, send an email to bginbc@aol.com and put SUBSCRIPTION in subject line . . . you'll get similar messages, jokes, websites, reviews, etc. . . . new readers are always welcome, so also feel free to mention this missive to your friends.

Favorite Enlightened Jokes Posts

2010-03-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?
Toilet Paper Advertising
Attract Money Now
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Elevator Speech
Turkey Chuckle
Meteor Shower On Facebook
New Parents
What are the six steps to radio humor?
My Neighbor The Seg Juggler
World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ
Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (Toto)
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short
Got Monday Morning Cartoons?
A Bloody Good Skit
Switching Media Message Made All the Difference
Mark and Jesse's audience
Circumcision
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
Do You Support Ciggargation?
Visiual Humor Is Making A Comeback Jay took the really brilliantly funny stuff off his site and put in Staff Pick
Political Cross Roads
Personal Ad
When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia
Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?
Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?

The Pudding Guy

2010-02-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Posted in Oddities by Greg Ross on February 22nd, 2010

In 1999, UC-Davis civil engineer David Phillips was grocery shopping when he noticed something peculiar. Healthy Choice Foods was offering frequent-flyer miles to customers who bought its products. But a 25-cent pudding would bring 100 miles — the reward was worth more than the product itself.

Recognizing a good thing, Phillips bought 12,150 servings of pudding for $3,140, claiming he was stocking up for Y2K. Then he enlisted the Salvation Army to help him peel off the UPC codes, in exchange for donating the pudding.

He mailed his submission to Healthy Choice, and to their credit they awarded him 1.25 million frequent-flyer miles, enough for 31 round trips to Europe, 42 to Hawaii, 21 to Australia, or 50 anywhere in the United States.

There’s no downside. Phillips also got Aadvantage Gold status for life with American Airlines, which brings a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades, and bonus miles. And he got an $815 tax writeoff for donating the pudding.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For travelers who add to the humor of travel

Spell it Right

2010-02-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

For someone who writes so much, I'm embarrassed that my spelling is so atrocious.

You'd think the birthday cards my grandmother sent back to me in my childhood with red "sp" marks through the letters would spur me to practice my spelling.

The problem is when I started to care I got a thing called Spell Check on my computer.

You give it your best shot, type out the word, see that something is misspelled and right click on the word and it automatically gives you alternative spelling options to the one you've chosen. It becomes so automatic that I stop thinking about learning the new spelling and using it in a sentence.

It's kind of annoying that the words I've always known how to spell are suddenly wrong... according to my email spell checker.

My favorite word is now f-a-v-o-u-r-i-t-e now that my browser is on the British setting.

And my neighbors live much further away now that I spell them n-e-i-g-h-b-o-u-r-s.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Writers Who Need Help Spelling

Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?

2010-02-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

WIFE: How was your day?

HUSBAND: Pretty good. I give it an 8 out of 9.

WIFE: People have a five star rating or 10/10 days where did you come up with 8/9?

HUSBAND: I had 9 things on my to do list and only got 8 accomplished.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For people who want to improve life's rating system

Toilet Paper Advertising

2010-02-20T09:33:00.000-08:00

WIFE: Wow! Gimp illustrator on Linux even has toilet paper as a print size.

HUSBAND: What do you mean?

WIFE: There is US standard, legal, floppy disk and toilet paper.

HUSBAND: Ha! Someone had a sense of humor.

WIFE: What if someone printed a 1000 rolls of toilet paper with their company information for next week's convention? People would think about their company for at least a week!

HUSBAND: That depend on how shitty of a week they had!

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For creative marketers

Know Your Market Before You Waste Time in Social Media

2010-02-16T00:39:00.001-08:00

I recently met with a client that wanted me to teach her how to use facebook, twitter, linkedin and wordpress in two hours. I usually don't do house calls since I work with most of my clients over the phone and mainly in interactive coaching groups. With our laptops open on the kitchen table, I knew right away I had my work cut out for me with my client's daughter just feet away on the living room couch loudly playing on the playstation and her teenage son also home on holiday gabbing non stop on the phone.

My IT business owner husband who gives talks at the local Chamber of Commerce and professional groups usually on one social network platform per talk was amazed I took on the challenge of addressing multiple platforms in a two hour visit. "I know," I sighed. it was for a single mom who wanted to learn social media to get her business off the ground.

The biggest thing I discovered about my client's social media challenges was that her marketing message was all over the place. Before we delved into her LinkedIn and WordPress blog, we took some time talking about her ideal clients: What problems did they have and how she could solve them? Then we narrowed down the services she offered. "What?!" I hear you saying. "Won't that limit the her number of clients?" Actually the clearer she gets about the one type of client she serves and their biggest problem the easier she can market to that! I told her to jot down her ideal clients' demographics: age, sex, profession, how it felt to work with her ideal client. Who were her pay anything, do anything to get their problem fixed clients? Tell me their family dynamics and life story. The more you know this, the easier it is to market your products and services to the right people who will seek you out to work with you. Everyday you'll know what to say to these people because you've clearly defined your marketing message.

Delving deeper I soon learned she had not made article writing, social media status updates and blogging a part of her weekly business routine. The second stumbling block was my client didn't have a consistent marketing message with a strong service advantage. That echoes what I said earlier. She had trouble answering, "Why would your prospects do business with you instead of your competitors (who were currently getting much more business?" It didn't matter what social media she used if she didn't know what services. She needed an irresistible offer, a strong call to action or incentive to work with her. The alternative was to be like every other business professional in her industry and continue to chase after the dead end leads and prospects or "suspects" as David Sandler of the Sandler Sales Institute calls them. The good news is once she knew her target audience, she could start writing her social media comments, articles and blogs to that avatar or ideal client profile.

How do you pick your ideal client? Well in her case I asked my client to tell me what her big mission was. Why she got into her business in the first place. Was this a passion of hers? Who was it she helping? Her eyes lit up and she told me how she had struggled with the same problems her ideal clients faced during her divorce and she could identify with their struggle. "Good!" I told her. Update your website to include that story. It creates an instant bond.

Even though the two hours flew by and she had a hazy, overwhelmed look on her face as I ran to my next appointment, I have every confidence that once she takes time to focus on the needs and struggle of her idea clients she'll be able to overhear them in check out lines, business networking groups, online chats and forms, in google searches and much more and say, "Hi, I know exactly how to help you!"

HOMEWORK

Answer these questions:

Make a list of your best clients.

What are the common elements about them?

What is the biggest problem you help them solve?

Does your personal story match theirs before you discovered the service you now offer?

Maybe it should.:-)

In the spirit of giving...

grab your free downloadable

book template and writing/marketing check list.

I wish I had this before I started writing books and interviewing best selling authors.:-)

http://ping.fm/DumXe

-Ruth

Ruth Anne Wood works with best selling authors, Emmy award winning film makers and experts who help her create co-authored movies, books, plays, events using the passion and creativity of a group.

http://ping.fm/isysS

UNDERvaluing What You Offer? You May Be Losing Clients and Mo-ney

2010-02-05T11:39:00.001-08:00

Years ago, there was a question in my intake packet for new clients titled, "What is holding you back or slowing your progress?" , as it related to attracting all the clients they needed and having a full practice. Having worked with hundreds and hundreds of clients over the years, I've seen it all. Other than "no knowledge of marketing," one thing seems to come up over and over again, and it happened again recently, with a brand new client.

The client answered this: "Sometimes, the 'Little Voice' inside me asks, 'Who needs my program anyway? This is basic information that I offer. People already know this stuff!'" This is so common, but in most every case, this is absolutely not accurate.

I have to admit, in the past, I too have taken for granted what I already know and teach everyday and started questioning my value in the marketplace. For example, when I was teaching holistic nutrition years ago, I sometimes wondered why people were paying me (or WOULD pay me) to teach them about whole foods versus processed foods. To me, it was a no-brainer that brown rice was more healthful than white. But to a person who grew up on Twinkies, it was crucial that I explain it to them in detail, and then the shortcuts to fitting in those brand new foods into their busy life.

I would also question the value of the cooking classes I gave once a month to 15 or 20 people crammed in my living room . As I was stirring carrots and onions on my Coleman grill in the middle of my tiny apartment, I couldn't help but think "Are these simple recipes REALLY of value to them?" (I'd been through serious Boot Camp at the French Culinary Institute, so this came naturally to me.) But they kept showing up, asking questions, and referring friends. Go figure!

Even in the early years of my business coaching practice, I sometimes wondered about my value . Clients asked me daily about the secrets of getting clients to call THEM and making a lot more mo-ney with smart marketing techniques and even smarter systems. For me, it was now ingrained and like second nature. I took for granted that I knew it, and because I'd been doing it for so long and knew that it worked, I thought everyone knew it too and that it was common sense.

On the contrary! What's common knowledge for us, is a secret to someone else. Because we "bathe" in our information all day long, and for years, we start taking for granted what we know. We forget what we know is actually a secret many others would do anything and everything to discover. It becomes the answer to their most pressing problem. It becomes the solution others have been praying for. And that's when they call us.

If you're in this situation, you are probably OVER-estimating what everybody else knows. The more common what you teach is to YOU and the longer you do what it is you do, the more you tend to undervalue what you know.

The irony here, as I've discovered, is that the more we teach things to our clients in SIMPLE terms, the happier they are , the more referrals we get and the more we make. It's not the convoluted teachings that people are looking for. It's the practical and simple solutions.

The real shame about the whole undervaluing what you know is that as a result, you may be undercharging for what you offer . This is actually one of the major reasons why most people don't have enough clients. Because they don't see value in what they offer, they don't charge enough, and there is therefore a low perception of value from the prospective client's point of view. They then go somewhere else for the same exact information. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Some entrepreneurs even go so far as discounting their services, or offering a sliding scale , because of their lack of confidence and low perception of value in what they offer. In my book, discounting is a BIG no-no. Again, it portrays a devalued product or service and it's NOT Client Attractive.

Your Client Attraction Assignment:

* Notice that your clients came to YOU for the information you take for granted. Sometimes, they may even have known some of what you know, but didn't have the discipline, accountability, resources or structure to do it on their own. Many of my clients KNOW how to attract other clients, they're already somewhat successful, but they don't have the discipline or accountability to do it consistently on their own. So we do it together. This is actually my favorite type of scenario, because these clients are very driven and since we're not starting from scratch in the learning process, we move at warp speed.

* Be confident in what you offer. Read your testimonials over and over until your confidence comes back.

* See yourself as their problem solver. Charge accordingly and never discount your services. Ever.

If you're not sure how much to charge or how to position your value in the marketplace , then it's time to take action and invest in a step-by-step marketing system that will feel easy and authentic to you. The Client Attraction Home Study System™ avoids all the unnecessary stuff and instead gives you the most important things to do to get out there in a big way, set up simple, solid systems, so you consistently fill your pipeline and continually get new clients. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things . So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. So easy. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. You can get it at TheClientAttractionSystem.com .

© 2010 Client Attraction LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Line

Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine?

No problem! But here's what you MUST include:

Fabienne Fredrickson, The Client Attraction Mentor, is founder of the Client Attraction System TM , the proven step-by-step program that shows you exactly how to attract more clients, in record time...guaranteed. To get your F.R.E.E. Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly marketing & success mindset articles on attracting more high-paying clients and dramatically increasing your income, visit www.ClientAttraction.com/849801/.

Discover the "sweet spot" of Client Attraction with the secret of Marketing & Mindset. New [video] from Fabienne Fredrickson
http://ping.fm/5mO1K

2010-02-05T02:28:00.001-08:00

I'm participating in my first give away event
(besides the amazon book launch I'm doing for
Dr. Judith Orloff Ph.D. on March 2nd.

Unfortunately today is the last day for the EZ-IM Giveaway event and I wanted to make sure you had your chance to get your share of over 400 free gifts.

Go here now:

http://ez-im.com/go/742

If you have not already taken advantage of it, do it now. Don't hold it for another day as the doors are closing in only a few hours.

It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that even if you do not have time to download all the gifts now, you must go and secure a spot so you can download the gifts at your convenience.

Even after the event has closed.

http://ez-im.com/go/742

Blessings,

Ruth

PS

Here's my product:

http://ping.fm/Nfm24

Let me know what you think by posting a comment.

Attract Money Now

2010-01-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

HUSBAND: (whispers) Attract Money Now. (walking past wife) Put down the book and attract money now.

WIFE: Hey I'm doing pretty good I just attracted a check for $450 to pay the painter.

HUSBAND: I mean attract money from someone other than me.

WIFE: Hey, I'm not picky about the source.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Fans of Joe Vitale, "Attract Money Now"

Happiness Study

2010-01-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

WIFE: Ah I finally get how Joe Vitale went from homelessness to having fame and so many cars, fine guitars and things he publicly treasures.

HUSBAND: How?

WIFE: I'm reading his book Attract Money Now and Joe talks about there is more currency than just money. He's able get what he wants through barter, trade other than money, such as nice trips and boats. Then he uses his Hypnotic Marketing to boost his credibility, tie it all together and attract more.

HUSBAND: Here, read "How Happiness Happens" Marshall Goldsmith's article in New Week.

WIFE: Hum, Marshall says that when they interviewed 3,000 well educated people on short-term satisfaction, happiness and long term benefit and meaning that there was an incredibly high correlation between people experiencing happiness at work which led to happiness outside of work.

HUSBAND: Exactly. Happiness seems to be with more of who we are than what we do.

WIFE: (Choked up) That's why when I was going through a big transition and made my wish list of the life partner I wanted before I met you I put near the top that I wanted my partner to enjoy his vocation, rarely miss work due to illness and was great at communicating his needs and feelings, (reminiscent of a very different past relationship). If a person is unhappy at work s/he may feel like taking out frustration and punch something-

HUSBAND: Oh, Honey, I don't have those feelings at work... :-)

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Fans of Happiness and Couples Who Can laugh at Yourselves

Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving

2009-12-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't it be nice if other's treated you as well as pandora. I was playing ambient music while I was working online and suddenly heard music that pulled me out of my work and I couldn't concentrate.

I clicked on the thumbs down button and got a polite message that said, "We're sorry about that. You will never have to hear that song again."

Wow! Thanks I thought. What if more companies were as user friendly and considerate of my personal preference. What if there was a phone app on your land line that you could click during a charity solicitation call. "We're the Young and Sexy Fire Fighers. Make America Bootyful fund. Our Credit may suck but our buns are hot!" You immediately go to their website and see these fire fighters look good in their new uniforms. You click the thumbs up and soon you are getting calls from Young, Hot and Sexy Police Officers, Young Hot and Sexy Nurses.

"Give to the Young Hot and Sexy Programmers fund" my husband says coding across the room as he suductively lifts his pant leg above his ankle.

Can't answer any calls right now. Got to go!

Who gets a thumbs up on your calls wanted list?

For people who also want a phone app to screen solicitations :-)
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Elevator Speech

2009-12-14T16:50:00.000-08:00

As we were walking towards the elevator at the end of a business networking event I was about to get on the elevator. A guy I coincidentally bumped into on the ride up now made his way across the room to leave became friendly and started telling me what he did. I decided to return the favor and give him my elevator speech.

As we were getting on the elevator, he looked at his watch and reminded me, "You know, this building only has three floors."

"We'll in that cases," I said jokingly, "let's take the stairs and I can let you know about my business at your own pace."

We get to the staircase and he starts to sprint out of sight!

Do you have your 30 second elevator speech ready to go?
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Turkey Chuckle

2009-11-26T00:13:00.000-08:00

Henry, why are free range Turkeys so much more expensive than then their hormone induced counterparts?

Gee, I don't know George.

Because they charge you for roaming!

Happy Thanksgiving!

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written for people who enjoy free range Turkey

Meteor Shower On Facebook

2009-11-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

Under the stars my husband alerted me that he was a facebook fan of the Leonid Meteor Shower 2009- said to be Biggest Meteor Shower of the Modern Age. There were:

-216,575 Maybe Attending

-589,948 who had not replied

and

-303,134 Not Attending

This bothered Jason since they were on the same planet, so he thought.
If they were attending where would they be instead?

New Parents

2009-11-17T15:43:00.000-08:00

NEW MOTHER: Honey, the baby smells like you?

NEW FATHER: Awe, that's the sweetest...

NEW MOTHER: You change it!

Holiday Giving for HORO Reporters

2009-11-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

WIFE: Ah, it's winter holiday time at HORO "Help a Reporter Out"

HUSBAND: How's that?

WIFE: The Philadelphia Inquirer wants stories on "The Joys (and Dangers) of Re-gifting

HUSBAND: You know what you've gotta to do?

WIFE: What?

HUSBAND: It's fair game to send them a republished article

WIFE: Ugg, lol!

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Media Types Who Live Getting Paid to Regift Great Content

Long Stemmed White Roses

2009-10-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

Years ago it was spring time and I was feeling lonely and down and out. I had missed my Sunday morning routine and I wanted to be around friendly people. Then I had this idea. I wanted to honor my friends who I ate lunch with on Sunday, mostly women between my mother and grandmothers' age were my "adopted" family. I wanted to do something nice for them. I had the good fortune of Eureka! I'll get them flowers! I entered the restaurant where they all sat laughing and smiling with my arms filled with not one but two dozen long stemmed white roses and began handing flowers out to them one by one. With a look of delight and distant memories my elders began sharing stories of Father returning home from a business trip and would bring home a long stemmed rose for her and her mother. Another woman proudly said she had one red rose and one yellow one dried at home and this would be a perfect trio.

Lunch ended and we hugged and parted. I was feeling so much better. Yet, I still had a dozen long stemmed white roses in my hands. Instead of going to my car on this sunny day, I walked to the local market and handed my friend at the register a gift. "I'm celebrating women's beauty. Have a flower", the words spontaneously formed in my mouth. Not bad for someone feeling ugly and depressed hours earlier. Then I was crossing the street and saw a lovely lady in her Sunday best. "Here, I'm celebrating women's beauty," the powerful words poured from my lips again. "Have a rose." She smiled and received it. This was so much fun.

Next I went to a friend's house who I knew was having a challenging time and dropped off some flowers at her doorstep with an up beat note about celebrating beautiful women. This was becoming an adventure, a mission really. I had more girl friends up town and I enthusiastically went to my favorite shop that had massage, meditation, and sold pretty things including musical instruments, stones and jewellery. They even offered therapeutic massage. To my surprise the shop was closed and there were no ladies in sight. I had interrupted a men's support group, oops! I recognized a couple of the men as friends in my town. Boldly and impishly I said "I'm celebrating women's beauty today have a rose." Each man graciously received their gift and leaned over and gave me a loving hug. Wow, I thought this flower power really works!

Comic Relief - Job Postings

2009-10-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

... When I get that feelin' for a J.O.B. I read the classifieds
Thanks Craigslist!

"Rock Your World for Jesus
We are developing a top-notch team of musicians, graphic and other artists, sound and media techs, writers, and administrative personnel to bring together the generations in a Christ-centered, cutting edge, culturally relevant experience like none other. We may be able to pay some, but not all participants. The benefits are literally out of this world! You will find no other experience like it in the Philadelphia region. Be a history maker in an adventure that will take you beyond success to significance. Call 610-676-0422. Talk to either Ed or Liam. http://www.getvictory.net/"

Or

"Female Performer Needed
Female performer needed to wear a costume and greet people. NO NUDITY!! Pleasant and outgoing personality a must. View our website to learn more: www.bucksmusic.com
For more info, DO NOT EMAIL!! CALL KARL AT 215-345-0616"

After reading "NO PAY" submit articles to build up your resume or no pay for models and actors, you get to keep our [crappy] DVD it smacks of a Christmas Wish List for adults.

So folks if you're interested in these posts give them a call.

Laughter Resources

2009-10-19T16:08:00.001-07:00

The Laugh Academy

World Laughter Tour

Humor & Health Association of WNY

Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor

The Humor Project

Grief, Inc. - products and information about grief

Gilda's Club - support community for anyone touched by cancer

The Humor Project

Caring Bridge - Free, personalized websites for anyone facing critical illness

Laughter Resources

2009-10-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

World Laughter Tour
www.worldlaughtertour.com

Humor & Health Association of WNY
www.hahawny.org

Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor
www.aath.org

The Humor Project
www.humorproject.com

Grief, Inc. - products and information about grief
www.griefinc.com

Life Transitions Center - Buffalo area bereavement counseling center
www.hospicebuffalo.com/content/pages/ltchomepage.php

Gilda's Club - support community for anyone touched by cancer
www.gildasclub.org

Caring Bridge - Free, personalized websites for anyone facing critical illness
www.caringbridge.org

What are the Six Steps to Radio Host Humor?

2009-09-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

Check out the six steps to show hosts can use comedy in their interactions.

Quotes to Ponder

2009-09-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

“Relaxation is who you are. Tension is who you think you should be.” - Chinese Proverb

"If your body spent time where your mind was would you be here?" -Inyah Dreams (My teenage pen name)

What Are The 11 Steps to Publishing Your Book?

2009-07-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

Get the seasoned insider secrets to combine marketing mindset and savvy business through out your book creation process.

Thanks Cass Forkin of Twilight Wish and Ruth Anne Wood from Thriving Artist Press for giving an overview of the 11 steps to Publishing and Marketing a book.

Publishing My Book from Ruth Anne Wood on Vimeo.

My Neighbor The Seg Juggler

2009-07-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

Check out John Satriano juggling on his Segway. Funny thing after he altered his tool Segway void his warranty. Go figure. :-)

A Future David Letterman Interview...

2009-07-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

DAVID LETTERMAN
Top 10 Reasons Its A Bad Idea For Your Parents To Suddenly Discover The Fountain Of Youth.
10. They’d have more graphic public displays of affection.
9. Case closed; they’d use up social security before baby boomers get a crack at it.
8. They’d make knickers fashionable again.
7. Dick Clark’s reign would last forever.
6. Greater over population with the greatest Generation.
5. We have enough stupid YOUNG people already.
4. Nursing homes would suddenly be affordable because the waiting list to get in would rapidly drop.
3. There would be even more seniors getting sexually transmitted diseases from unprotected sex.
2. The radio stations would flip flop and the oldies would top the charts.
1. And the number one reason it’s a bad idea for your parents to suddenly discover the fountain of youth is
you might accidentally think a kid cut you off and flash a senior the bird for forgetting to use her turn signal!

SCENE ONE

DAVID LETTERMAN
(Performs the joke Ruth wrote for him.)
I misplaced my driver’s license when were on vacation in the Islands and my wife could tell I really missed being behind the wheel.

PAUL
How so?

DAVID LETTERMAN
By the second day of anxiously sitting in the passenger seat making “eeeerrrr” screeching tire noises and “tick-tick tick” left hand blinking gestures as we drove through the back winding streets of the wee village, I was really starting to get on her last nerve. I knew I had to do something to ease the tension fast!

PAUL
So what did you do?

DAVID LETTERMAN
I reached in the back seat and grabbed this.

(DAVID pulls out a plastic toy steering wheel and honks the squeaky red horn.)

(Beat.)

PAUL
Nice, does that prevent road rage?

DAVID LETTERMAN
(DAVID, smiles.)
Inspired by my initiative, the wife borrowed something else from our kid to shut me up.

(Show a picture of Maggie Simpson split screen with David teething on a pacifier with a nice drum beat for the punch line.)

SCENE TWO

DAVID LETTERMAN
My next guest is a very cleaver lady who writes comedy inspired by comedians who appear in such shows as Late Night, SNL, The Cobert Report, The Daily Show and Comedy Central.

She also combines her comedy writing with goal achievement training by teaching clients how to write humorous fairy tales, headlines and scripts to get the entertaining life results you want. These comical stories help CEOs boost company moral and productivity. Her friends affectionately call her RAW. Please welcome with me the lovely, Ms. Ruth Anne Wood!

...
Let me get this straight. The bit you wrote for me right before you came on was written a couple of years ago, before you even started working in the entertainment biz?

RUTH
That’s correct. I have a file on my computer where I’d write funny things my husband and I hear, do or say. Later I go back and tweak them so they read in the voice of a comedian I think best portrays the mood of the joke or story at the time.

DAVID LETTERMAN
So you say I’m having a crappy day with my spouse. I’m going to jot this down and some how make it into a comedy?

RUTH
Hey, instead of arguing you just saved months of therapy!

DAVID LETTERMAN
What if my wife reads the jokes I write about her and it may extend our time in marriage counseling?

RUTH
I’m thinking your wife had an idea what was fair game when she signed on with you…
Atleast, one would hope.

DAVID LETTERMAN
But seriously, we’ll have to get Chris Rock, Ellen, Dennis Miller and Rosie, just to name a few to read some of your jokes in your journal.

RUTH
That would be peachy keen!

DAVID LETTERMAN
Peachy keen! So it acts as a kind of therapy, to remove yourself from the stressful situations of your day and write from another person’s perspective.

RUTH
Absolutely, if you can’t laugh at the comedy of your own life, who can?

DAVID LETTERMAN
Actually lots of people, my dear. That’s what pays my salary.

RUTH
“True that!” as my brother, Paul would say.

DAVID LETTERMAN
Now that’s your brother Paul Dilly over there playing stand up bass.

(Camera pans over to the band and Paul plucking on the bass.)

RUTH
Absolutely, My brother is the musical composer for Five Rites movie. It’s been a dream come true since he started getting good in high school.

DAVID LETTERMAN
Not bad having your brother Paul write the score to your first Academy Award winning movie.

RUTH
Absolutely.

DAVID LETTERMAN
That dream is well on its way. You have a movie coming out in 2010 that has particular appeal to my generation, the BABY BOOMERS. It’s called, “Five Rites”. What do you call it, a kind of sci fi, Matrix meets the “Bucket List” with a little, “Cocoon”, “Fried Green Tomatoes” and “Field of Dreams” thrown in?

RUTH
Whew, Dave that’s a mouth full! Sure there’s all those influences. “Five Rites” asks the question, “What would you do in the body of healthy, sexy thirty year old with the life experience of someone in your eighties and nineties?

DAVID LETTERMAN
You asked your grand mother that question and what did she say?

RUTH
First she said she’d have a better relationship with my grand dad. I told her sorry grad dad is dead. Would she leave the retirement community?

DAVID LETTERMAN
She surprised you with a “hell no!”

RUTH
There’s something to be said for liking where you live.

DAVID LETTERMAN
Why do you suppose she was thinking about having a better relationship with her late husband gone since 1995?

RUTH
She had just read You Can’t Get It ‘Cause You’ve Already Got It!

DAVID LETTERMAN
That’s the book you and your friend Stash Serafin wrote. Stash’s is blind you know.

(Dave points to the clip of Stash skating on the ice.)

RUTH
Yes, people don’t realize that when he’s out on the ice doing his watze jumps and his younger days back in the 70’s his splits.

DAVID LETTERMAN
The lovely Dorthy Hamill On page 123 of _A Skating Life: My Story_ Dorthy says, “I was moved to tears by Stash's courageous performance.”

RUTH
I believe Stash’s performance in the 70’s inspired Dorthy to work with the physically challenged. You never know who you are going to influence.

DAVID LETTERMAN
In my case, negative or positive ways.

RUTH
Indeed. Yes, we hope our story inspires others to go for what you really want in life by allowing your impossible dreams to be possible so that you can turn your own adversities into adventures!

DAVID LETTERMAN
Back to the question you asked your grand mother, “What would you do now if you woke up with a healthy mind and body of a thirty year old with your eight decades of life experience? We have a clip of people on the street answering that very same question.

PLAY CLIP OF PEOPLE ANSWERING THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH QUESTION.

DAVID LETTERMAN
Your movie “Five Rites” addresses the disturbing proposition of what would happen if our parents outlived us and what society deems more healthy and sexy than the younger generation. This leaves me to wonder the state of health care in nursing homes, would we have to send these young looking seniors back into the work force to replenish social security?

RUTH
We might have to do that even if the aging isn’t reversed.

DAVID LETTERMAN
I love one of the scenes where the fountain of youth seniors are now caring for my generation and instead of playing the fifty state songs, they are playing “Stairway to Heaven” “I got a ticket to Ryde” and “Eric Clapton” while seniors are banging on the drums and playing various rock and roll with the basket of instruments. It suddenly dawns on me we’ve flashed forward to my generation. Five Rites is really an entertaining, thought provoking story about people that go to great lengths to stop from growing old. These five rites yoga fanatics get a second chance in life to live their hearts’ desires.

(DAVID pats his head)

DAVID LETTERMAN
Would the Five Rites give me back my hair?

RUTH
I don’t know. When did you start loosing it?

DAVID LETTERMAN
Ok, on to the next topic. So how many rites or yoga postures and practices are there?

RUTH
There are five yoga postures that work to maximum effectiveness when you do them 21 times each upon waking and the same amount just before bed.

DAVID LETTERMAN
O.K. it’s not enough to just do these five there’s also the six rite which includes a special diet of eating foods separately. Fruits are eaten by themselves, meats are eaten separately from starches, the theory being the body is greatly stressed from digesting a combination of foods.

If I knew this exercise really made a difference I would probably do them but the sixth rite of celibacy is a bit more than this yogi can handle!

I’m here with my guest Ruth Anne Wood, award winning playwright of FIVE RITES about
an eighty year old woman who is taught how to reverse the aging process doing a particular kind of yoga everyday. Everyone should see the movie at least twice, the first time for laughs and the second time to take lots of notes.

Mock Interview (c) November 2008
Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting for Success.

Another Comical Website

2009-07-12T11:30:00.001-07:00

"A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.

There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

Posted from Sunny Is Funny

Publishing Dreams out of the Drawer

2009-07-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Goal Setting & Achievement for Authors (CD) 11 Steps to Publish & Sell Your Book TELE SEMINAR with Cass Forkin of Twilight Wish & Ruth Anne Wood of Thriving Artist Press What are the 11 must do steps to attract the media and idea clients? Learn more...

Poetry Judges Get Your Stamp of Approval Ready

2009-06-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

Ten poems will be posted and selected for the Bucks County Poet Laureate contest. Please post your feedback and votes for your favorite poems in the comment section. The most constructive comments added to the comment section below will win a $50 gift card to your favorite store/ restaurant. Thanks for your critiques.

Poem #3
Connections II
Nourished, I am
As I taste the richness in life.
Open arms, rejoicing
I thrive on comical insights and inspired prayers
Here, I offer you my soul’s deep knowing.
We both have roots and fire in our words.
We are infinite.
Connected in this sacred moment;
Made simple in this moment.
Divine timing blesses our song.
I hear your dreams that make up the cosmos…
I hear your dreams sister and brother
I am you.

6/26/09 Lyrics to a new song I'm co-writing

Poem #2
Princess
Listen
To the beauty
In your name.
Does It remind you
Who you are?
Is there something
Simple
Buried beneath the surface
Giving us meaning
To the feelings
Riddled inside you
Or is there nothing more
To the word
Whispered
Princess

© 3-2-90 Ruth Dilley

Poem #1
Connections
Starving, I may
But I have tasted the richness in life.
Standing here with open arms, begging,
I live off the dreams you’ve wasted.
Here, I offer you my soul’s philosophy.
We both have roots and fire in our words.
I feel you up here, down here with me;
Trying to unriddle our differences; Paradoxed in time,
Only too slowly on unsynchronized waves.
I hear your dreams ready to explode to the cosmos.
I hear your dreams brother.
I hear you.

© 1991 Ruth Dilley

World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ

2009-06-28T14:51:00.000-07:00

My visionary friend and co-author Stash Serafin, author of You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! skates to Michael Jackson.

What are the 11 steps to get your book published and selling?

2009-06-23T07:30:00.001-07:00

Ebay has a great guide that Twilight Wish and Thriving Artist Press created. It's a 30 minute audio with 11 time and money saving tips to write, market, publish and sell your book. Great for new and seasoned authors. If you want to review the book for your email subscribers request a free copy here.

Celebrating The Philadelphia, PA Rain

2009-06-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa
I'd love to simulate this in the five rites movie!

Meteorite Fantasies

2009-06-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

Beth your meteorite is getting closer. One hit a boy in Germany. Do you still have the two stakes in the yard marking where you intend your space rock to land? That's my birthday wish to you. I'll come to your open house with your awesome marble shed when you have that historic open house!

What does Disney know about Enlightened Comedy?

2009-06-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

"Learn From Disney and Make Your Business Dreams Come to Life!" By Ali Brown

Whether you're wracking your brain trying to solve a business issue or deciding how to expand the company, there's a simple, time-tested concept that can help your business achieve its full potential. It's called Imagineering®.

Walt Disney trademarked the term in 1967 after he assembled a team of creative and technical wizards to turn his vision for a theme park into a real place. Disney's employees are known as Imagineers, and their job is to envision the most amazing dreams possible and then find ways to execute them through science and technology.

However, anyone can use the Imagineering process and apply it to her own business goals. It's a powerful yet practical way to dream up new ideas and carry them out.

Read on to discover how you can use Imagineering to bring your business dreams to life. You might be tempted to merge these steps into one, but in Imagineering, it's important to take things one step at a time. Otherwise, you might shoot down your dream before you have the chance to make it happen.

Step #1: Dream Big!
Once you get into the Imagineer mindset, ideas will come to you anywhere: while you're shopping, meeting a friend for lunch, or running on the treadmill. But Imagineers recommend that you actually set aside some quiet time specifically for brainstorming. Do whatever you need to feel creative, whether that means listening to music, lying down, or lighting some candles. Take a few deep breaths and empty your mind, then start to daydream and see where it takes you. If you need help getting started, then ask yourself: What would I achieve in an ideal world? And what might get me there? You could also doodle on a sheet of paper. Whatever you do, let the ideas come to you and don't get caught up on logistics.

Step #2: Give Yourself a Reality Check.
After your mind has been whirring with an array of big dreams for your business, the last thing you want to do is leave all those ideas locked inside your mind. Bring them into the open by having a reality check. You can do this yourself or ask a trusted colleague to help (just make sure it's someone who believes in your vision so they don't dismiss them too quickly). Once your dreams undergo a little scrutiny, it's time to organize an action plan and implement your dream.

Step #3: Be Your Own Critic.
Next you need to test your action plan and put it through its paces. Be on the lookout for any potential problem and ask yourself What are the consequences if something goes wrong? Am I missing anything? Then be ready to act accordingly to make adjustments.

Once you've performed steps 1-3, think about ways to enhance your product or solution. Walt Disney was never happy with "good enough," and his pursuit of excellence has worked extremely well for his company. Whatever the size and scope of your business, Imagineering has the potential to benefit every aspect.

© 2009 Ali International, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Self-made multimillionaire entrepreneur Ali Brown is devoted to creating financial freedom for women globally through the power of entrepreneurship. To learn how to create wealth and live an extraordinary life now, register for her free weekly articles at www.AliBrown.com

Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short

2009-06-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

In researching films to come up with the beginning of my movie I found this gem. Watch this 9 minute short that will have you in stitches. It's called Absent Minded Waiter and it was the first film Steve Martin did and it won an Oscar for Best Short Film.

Your Source for Enlightened Comedy
© 2009 Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

Got Monday Morning Cartoons?

2009-06-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

Have you signed up for Pat Achilles's Monday Cartoons? "Like Scooby, Wow!" Pat, your message is so clean and hits my funny bone with lazar sharp wit. You've inspired me to see and express the humor in my life and as a result the media calls me to talk about the work and projects I love! Thanks a million. -http://EnlightenedJokes.com

Gina Rubel- How to Create Effective PR

2009-06-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

One of my friends and PR mentors is Gina Rubel of Furia Rubel Communications, Inc. After going to the BEA, National Book Expo of a America at the Jacob Javits Center this year, Gina's tips are a great reminder for Effective PR. The key to PR success is to have this PR system in place and do something daily to keep your message in front of your audience. Use these tips as you follow your clearly defined goals.

Read: How to Create an Effective PR Program - Furia Rubel Whitepaper

And then read mine for setting and achieving your goals

Enlightened Media for Consistent Marketers
© Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

Ode to BEA

2009-05-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

We're off to National Book Expo of a America at the Jacob Javits Center. I've got samples of my books including You Can't Get It Cause You've Already Got It! and Ichabod & Lilly created for Twilight Wish in the 'ole pack. Here's where Scripting for Success TM is very powerful... making a declarative statement of who I intend to meet and the desired outcome including the media connections and joint ventures I want to create at this event.

A Bloody Good Skit

2009-05-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

JOAN: Are you glad you made an appointment online for your blood test?
JERRY: Yea, I would have been waiting for a couple hours.
JOAN: That’s rough.
JERRY: Yea, they seemed pretty disorganized.
JOAN: How so?
JERRY: Well the phlebotomists-
JOAN: The who?
JERRY: The people who take your blood also do the tests and manage the schedule.
JOAN: I noticed you wrote your name on the sheet like everyone else.
JERRY: It’s funny, if you had a scheduled appointment you have to write that on the same sign in sheet as the first come first serve people who wait for over an hour in the lobby.
JOAN: Wow, so it’s kind of the honor system?
JERRY: That’s right. What they really need is a receptionist, because the phlebotomists are doing everything.
JOAN: Can you imagine Count Dracula having a receptionist?
JERRY: Oh sure. It’s 11:59, Miss Flemington. The Count will see you now.
JOAN: The lights suddenly flicker and the “patient” is escorted by candle light down a dark corridor.
JERRY: After the 'test' the count says,
THE COUNT: “Miss Flemmington” you need to lay off those mocha frappachinos. Your blood is unusually thick today.
MISS FLEMMINGTON: Thanks Count.
JERRY: It could be an all night buffet for the Count as he stands there with his clipboard and medical dictionary.
JOAN: And providing a much needed service for doctors and patients in the community.

Enlightened Jokes for Waiting Rooms
© Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

Memorial Day Humor

2009-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

What goes on during your Memorial Day? For this guy it's all about combining a well orchestrated time line of new and old traditions.

Call 215-872-5035 or contact ruth@scriptingforsuccess.com

CREDENTIALS: Ruth Anne Wood is an author, playwright, publisher, product developer, and goal-setting and achievement renegade. In addition to helping clients with their marketing message, Ruth enjoys motivating others with the healing and inspirational power of comedy. Ruth has co-authored the book YOU CAN’T GET IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY GOT IT with a world-class blind figure skater.

Marketing Rehab for Enlightened Marketers
© Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

Actual Facebook Wall

2009-05-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

facebook friend:
"feels like she can't do or say anything right lately."

Enlightened Comic: (touched by the anti-coaching bug)
"Your assignment if you choose to accept: Go out of your way to do everything "wrong" or opposite of what you want. Notice what your new adventure is... if you live that long and report results after three days or when you abort experiment. Oh and choosing what what is fun for you over what you guess would make others happy is the BONUS round. :-)" -Dime advice dispensed at 1:50am Friday... But if it works it will become a whole new form of coaching...maybe a religious movement like... L. Ron Hubbard

Importance of Original Knowledge

2009-05-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

Principle #1: Don't trust retellers, get hold of the original sources.

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

Source Unknown

Ah the power of entrepreneurs

2009-05-13T15:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks grasshopper for your gentle reminder and HORO for the link on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6MhAwQ64c0

What Could You Accomplish With a 25 Minute Marketing Rehab Session?

2009-05-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Coaching Session 1-on-1 with Ruth Anne Wood.

In this powerful session you will leave with:

* Written positive outcomes for your marketing makeover
* A new awareness of what is causing many of the challenges in your relationship with online site visitors and the media (they may not be what you think!)
* A renewed sense of energy about turning your media message around
* A "next-step" action plan for moving your marketing into the next phase of being viewed as the expert or goto company with your industry tips and advice.

“The facebook application marketing tip alone was amazing"
-Marium Anvarali www.hershyweinbergsales.com

Call 215-872-5035 or contact ruth@scriptingforsuccess.com

CREDENTIALS: Ruth Anne Wood is an author, playwright, publisher, product developer, and goal-setting and achievement renegade. In addition to helping clients with their marketing message, Ruth enjoys motivating others with the healing and inspirational power of comedy. Ruth has co-authored the book YOU CAN’T GET IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY GOT IT with a world-class blind figure skater.

Marketing Rehab for Enlightened Marketers
© Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

Switching Media Message Made All The Difference

2009-05-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Want to know the one word we switched in our marketing pitch to get the media interview requests we wanted?

We changed the focus from "inspirational" blind man who is a world-class figure skater to- "comedy" coaches and "funny" story tellers.

We could still promote _You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It!_ yet now it was through the lens of "funny", "jokes" and "enlightened comedy" from the perspective of a visionary writer and blind man/ world-class figure skater with a vision.

We switched from "look at us we're inspirational" to "let us help you use comedy and funny stories in your shows to reduce stress and generate more laughter for your audience". Suddenly we stopped getting calls from PR companies that wanted to sell us something. Thanks to the Media Makeover Using Comedy Success System TM, we now have the media wanting to spotlight our unique message because they know through our marketing material we could help their audience during what some media is calling "economically stressful times".

How would like to learn more about becoming one of our elite clients that follows the comedy success blue print that specifically tracks the type of media response our company and clients purposely planned on getting? We are only taking on 5 more new clients this quarter to walk them through the mindset and marketing materials that uses comedy and humor to get specifically orchestrated and measurable response from the media using comedy and humor as our focus.

Get a FREE comprehensive 25 minute "Comedy Connection Media Rehab"

Coaching Session 1-on-1 with Ruth Anne Wood.

In this powerful session you will leave with:

* Written positive outcomes for your marketing makeover
* A new awareness of what is causing many of the challenges in your relationship with online site visitors and the media (they may not be what you think!)
* A renewed sense of energy about turning your media message around
* A "next-step" action plan for moving your marketing into the next phase of being viewed as the expert or goto company with your industry tips and advice.

“Thanks Ruth for helping me to clarify in such a positive way exactly what I want in my life.” (14 days later) There is so much abundance. I really feel in sync with the Universe. The Universe and I are flowing together. My needs and intentions are being met in the most unpredictable and fascinating ways! Love and blessings, Dan” -Dan Harvey, PhD, College Professor

"Ruth is a gifted individual who skillfully empowers me to live a life of fulfillment and joy. Ruth’s incisive insight and clear and direct feedback allows me to develop clarity and the poise of mind necessary to manifest a higher kind of life." -Diane B. Levitt, Writer, Mentor

Media Makeover Using Comedy Success System TM
is created by Ruth Anne Wood and is a one day marketing makeover session that includes an online review of your updated marketing website (if you qualify) through our a FREE 25 minute "Comedy Connection Media Rehab". You will also get comedy focused media pitch materials and one free month of advertising in the monthly media magazine where our elite clients and EnlightenedJokes.com gets some of our best media attention". Media Makeover Using Comedy Success System TM It's normally $4975, but as a gesture of goodwill to our audience, Ruth is making it available for $500 off for the then next 5 people only! She only has 5 spaces awarded for this special this quarter and once they are gone, they're gone!! Call Ruth 215-872-5035 to schedule your "Comedy Connection Media Rehab" to determine if you qualify for the Media Makeover Using Comedy Success System TM

Blessings,

Ruth

Register for a 30 minute complimentary coaching consult
Comedy Coach for Enlightened Marketers
© Scripting for Success, Ruth Anne Wood

CREDENTIALS: Ruth Anne Wood is the director of the publishing company Thriving Artist Press and o f Scripting for Success, a goal setting and achievement company that helps new and seasoned authors create group/ co-authored products such as books, plays, seminars and movies in ten weeks or less including her Live Your Peace movie that attracted the investment and endorsement of an Emmy award winning film maker, two time Oprah guest, national charity and over a dozen investors in two weeks or the 11 show Philly Fringe Festival comedy called "The Table", a comedy about massage. Ruth is an author, playwright, publisher, product developer, and goal-setting and achievement renegade. Ruth is available for signature talks nationwide. Topics include: Group Collaboration: How do attract instant credibility and media attenion for your Big Mission projects? www.ScriptingForSuccess.com

PA, nationwide by arrangement and via telephone
CONTACT: Ruth Anne Wood, (215) 872-5035 (PA); ruth@scriptingforsuccess.com; www.EnlightenedJokes.com;

Remember Your Mamma

2009-05-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

LORI: Hi Chris, Is your phone working?
CHRIS: Yes, but I think I was on the phone when you called.
LORI: O.K. good!
CHRIS: Why?
LORI: I just wanted to make sure it works before Sunday.
CHRIS: Sunday? Sunday! Right Mothers day!
LORI: You spaced out didn’t you?
CHRIS: Don’t sweat it. There’s always Mothers day flowers
LORI: BINGO! Flowers it is.
CHRIS: And I even have a jingle poem to go with them.
LORI: Really? Let’s hear it.
CHRIS: Here it goes...
Mothers day flowers
Opens the heart of
That special lady
Every time she looks across the
Room at your
Sweet love offerings

Daffodils
And
Yellow sunflowers… Ahh

Feelings
Lovelier than words
Only Mothers day flowers
Will do.
Enjoy the
Rush of hugs and kisses that
Seal the precious memories and conversations with Mom

Visit http://www.1800flowers.com/
to fulfill the promise of the
Mothers day flowers poem

Mark and Jesse's audience

2009-05-07T15:13:00.000-07:00

Get your feel good humor here!

We're in Brownwood, Texas at least our Voices

2009-05-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a warm shout out to Mark Cope and Jesse Jones at News Talk 96.9 in Brownwood, Texas. We're on their show 5/7/09 5:15 CST. Oh yea, and I asked Mark to name an Enlightened Comic he likes and he cited: Demetri Martin on Comedy Central! Demetri's my Space video is a hoot.

Any one else heard of Demetri?

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood & Stash Serafin
For People Who Enjoy Laughing At Yourself Laughing at Others

Science Recap through Enlightened Jokes

2009-04-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

Check out my new favorite enlightened comic Brian Malow Check him out at http://sciencecomedian.com/

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For lovers of science and comedy

Erskin Overnight Radio show

2009-04-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

Stash Serafin and I had so much fun talking about Enlightened Comedy with Erskin Overnight Radio show. Listen to the broadcast here.

We taked about:
-blind figure skating
-finding a ideal mate
-"inappropriate" leader dogs
-how to turn adversities into adventures
-how enlightened jokes can heal and transform challenges
-what makes an Enlightened Joke
-the power using positive emotions to ask for what you want
-how to use comedy to get what you want
-how you may already have what you want

Check out more about You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! and watch Stash skate, despite being blind since birth!

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood & Stash Serafin
For People Who Find the Best Comedy Is Laughing At Yourself

Ode to Mother's Day Flowers

2009-04-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

Mother’s day flowers
Opens the heart of
That special lady
Every time she looks across the
Room at your
Sweet love offerings

Daffodils
And
Yellow sunflowers… Ahh

Feelings
Lovelier than words
Only Mother’s day flowers
Will do.
Enjoy the
Rush of hugs and kisses that
Seal the precious memories and conversations with Mom

Visit http://www.1800flowers.com/
to fulfill the promise of the
Mother’s day flowers poem

Study Susan Boyle and Learn from her Journey

2009-04-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a freebie you'll love ---

"What if you could use Susan Boyle
as a studied role model and lean the
six step process to Set and
Achieve your seemingly "impossible"
Dreams in a little time as a 30 minute
interview that you can easily learn
from and apply yourself. . . and do it
right from the comfort of your own home?"

You can learn all about it here.

And it's freeeee.

Go see --

http://scriptingforsuccess.com/Britains-Got-Talent-2009-Susan-Boyle.htm

Go look at the site.

You'll love what you see there.

Love,

Ruth

PS -- Follow me on Twitter at
http://www.twitter.com/inyah11

*************************************************
Ruth Anne Wood "Stop Concealing Start Revealing" *

Author of way too many books to mention,
including "You Can’t Get It ‘Cause You’ve Already
Got It!”, "Abundant Magical Lives, Insights
For Passionate People”

Creator of "Scripting for Success"

See it all at http://www.EnlightenedJokes.com

* 16th century Latin: "Dare something worthy"

Susan Boyle - Britain's Got Talent

2009-04-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Do you know the Secrets to Setting and Achieving Your Goals In Record Time?

Susan Boyle, an over night sensation inspired the hearts and dreams of millions with her Britain's Got Talent audition. She did naturally what marketing geniuses and leaders often take years to master. She used humor. She personified the "Fool", "Shrek" and "Diamond in the Ruff".

How?

1. She was herself, authentic and refreshingly real and honest.

2. She also had a clear measurable dream:
"I've always wanted to perform in front of a large audience," and "I would like to be a professional singer." "I'm going to make that audience rock!"

3. The obstacle Britain's Got Talent helped Susan over come "I've never been given a chance before." How does that ring true in your life?

I think what made this moment even more delicious was how the cameras captured the contrast of the audience and judges' skepticism before she sang and then their utter transformation through surprise, delight, pride and awe in the presence of real talent despite first judgmental impressions.

4. Susan Boyle also had a role model for her success; Elaine Page in Les Miserables.

Believe it or not Susan Boyle experienced all six steps of Setting and Achieving her "impossible" dreams.

What are these six steps that Susan used to rock the house?

Canadian Radio Interview

2009-04-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Here's a shout out for a fun interview Stash Serafin and I did Tuesday April 14th on the cknx AM920 Ontario, Canada radio show, while Jason and I were in New Orleans. It's a funny thing, show hosts are calling us for humor and comedy over inspiration. Yet what can be funnier than the pranks we play on ourselves when we attempt to do things that we think we should do to look good rather than honor what feels good? My business partner Stash Serafin certainly livened things up as he shared his comical learning curve as a blind man on the ice and how You really Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! --Something our goal setting and achievement clients "get".

I believe in HORO... you sexy thing!

2009-04-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Where have I
-Met the most amazing media people?
-Found an easy way to pitch?
-Been able to share my expertise as an author, playwright, comedy writer, relationship rehab specialist, and IT business co-owner
-Made more connections than a $5,000 coaching program on book publishing and PR
-Contributed to some innovative projects
-Gotten a daily pulse on the media consciousness?
-Toned my pitch muscles

You guessed it Help A Reporter Out. Movie tells all...

ONLINE COMMUNITY FOR FUNNY WRITERS-
INSPIRED BY HORO

Thank you HORO for helping me start a FREE online community for Comedy Writers and Businesses who understand over million people are searching for funny--- why not have some fun marketing your business with humor?

Click here comedy writers!

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Movers and shakers who love to communicate
and connect with media and humor the easy way

What Are New Retention Bonuses?

2009-04-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

another Enlightened Joke by Pat Achilles

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
A link for people who haven't figured out our economics

Sponsor An Executive

2009-03-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

It almost breaks your heart. Sponsor a poor Executive Today.

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
A link for people who miss sponsoring needy children

What's for breakfast?

2009-03-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

My husband was happy to share his yogurt with me this morning because he wanted me to be more cultured.

He has been watching in amazement for a week as I've pureed a large bowl of salad ingredients; green peppers, red leaf lettuce, spinach, cabbage, cilantro and added braggs amino acids, olive oil, toasted almond oil and rice wine vinegar into a water green pulp and eating it for breakfast.

I noticed my eye sight was getting progressively more blurry from sitting in front of the computer for hours since I committed to cranking out my screen play, "Five Rites". Also my addiction for sugar was nearly impossible to kick, having a couple cups of hot chocolate or chai tea a day in the winter and devouring a box of cereal and granola bars within 48 hours of it being shelved in the pantry had become the norm.

What inspired this sudden change from milk and cereal or eggs and bacon? First I was finally talked into going to a multi level marketing green drink demonstration where they showed the acidic pH of foods such as colas, cereal, coffees and refined sugar.
Jason went out and bought The pH Miracle for Diabetes which was very telling the foods we eat we're not helping his childhood diabetes. Also I was writing about my main screenplay character, Sophie Peterson getting younger and younger doing five rites yoga and eliminating sugar and processed foods and for awhile was unwilling to do the physical research for my story.

No wonder I was going blind and having big time mood swings! However I wasn't interested in spending $200 for the distributor starter kit -- just yet. Why not see if eating salad for breakfast instead of buying green powder that would sit on the shelf for years would actually make a difference. It actually has. For a couple days I got off of sugar and ate my salad and the tissue around my eyes are feeling less stressed. PMS hasn't hit me like in previous months. I haven't had to pull out a gray hair on my head this week. Yesterday when I went to Perkins and had the Everything Omelet and the toasted blueberry muffin how much my body was visibility rebelling. My tongue actually swelled up and developed a nice white mossy coat which we know from Oriental Medicine is rebellious chi and too much heat in the body from poor digestion.

The Enlightened Comedy is the trial and error experienced of any diet or new habit.

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written for people who enjoy self induced suffering... try a new diet!

I Say Both

2009-03-30T12:13:00.000-07:00

Star Gazer you look so far into the heavens that it loops back around to the celestial body within. What do you ponder about when you raise you head to the sky? Do you feel the movement of this heavenly body racing through space? Does it conjure up memories or longings to be connected to something afar or even nearer and dearer to you essence? What is the essence of star dust? Are you made up of the same elements? Could these molecules of star dust be spinning in orbit just as fast within you? Is it really about knowing the answers or having a conversation that increases the intensity of star light radiating within?

My earliest memories of space and time travel began when I was four. I saw Star Wars, E.T. and the Dark Crystal and Star Trek all around the same time before I went to elementary school. I wanted to be the first kid in space and even more intensely a story teller that could bring these distant worlds closer my own. Born in 1975 George Lucas fed me with the ideal questions this inquiring four year old wanted to know. Did it answer the question where was my identical twin sister after she passed just before we turned two? No. Did it carve out a clear direction of what treasures to collect on my visit to earth or what to offer the earthlings during my stay? No. But it did answer a more reassuring question... was I alright being me? Yes. And did my sister travel on or did her journey end here? Thomas it's been my experience that the forces of odds and harmony co-exist in the same universe. It's about perception within the star mass and gazer. There is also an interesting harmony in the odd. Note the symmetry of five daisy pedals. All in all it's the sea of time, perception and emotions that govern the human experience that shift on the lighting, chemical interactions and stories in play.

© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written in response to my friend Thomas N. Padikal, Ph.D.
who inquirers "At Odds? Or in Harmony?"

Circumcision

2009-03-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law's boyfriend is passionate about one thing on facebook Friday night, "Rushing to go to DC this weekend for the Demonstration/March Against Infant Circumcision!"

What did the mohel say to the nervous relatives at a brisk? "Relax it's as easy as taking candy from a baby!"

Written for people who find traditions sacred and repelling.
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"

2009-03-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Enjoy the jokes…

* If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer!
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem."

Written/ posted by James

Ruth Anne Wood ©2009 Scripting for Success

Do You Support Ciggargation?

2009-03-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

(CHAPELLE and KIM walk through a bar to a restaurant.)

KIM: I want to sit in the non- smoking section for dinner.

CHAPELLE: Hey, when did they put up these walls?

KIM: It’s the new state law. They want to keep the non-smokers who are eating happy.

CHAPELLE: We’ll you know what I think this is, segregation all over again!

KIM: It’s not so bad, the smokers choose to self segregate when they want a cigarette.

CHAPELLE: (Smugly) Just light a cigarette and your lungs get to be BLACK when ever you want.

KIM: Hey, what’s that that song the “Ciggers” are playing on the juke box?

CHAPELLE: Come on, let go check it out.

(CHAPELLE and KIM walk back to the bar and CHAPELLE lights a lady's cigarette with the lit one in his mouth.)

(We see Jim Crow with a Camel logo on the screen.)

...

CHAPELLE: I’m a Cigger, but now I'm giving it up to the Blaine Greenfield Smoking Strike.

Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2008-2009 Scripting for Success

Have an event, issue, product or funny story you want to share? Email it to: ruth@enlightendjokes.com

Comedy Weekend

2009-03-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

We thoroughly enjoyed Jay McPhillips' work and open house at Zen is Art Gallery at 35 north Union, Lambertville, PA so much so that my husband Jason came home with a hilarious Jay Phillips original to hang in his office. It's a pen and ink of a loosely drawn giant water tower next to a small house with a real estate listing that has you rolling around on the floor laughing. He took the least attractive feature and capitalized on it as a buyer selling point! Jay's a Class Act.

I told Jay my idea I had a couple days ago for an art piece which he enthusiastically took to heart with much visual input from our friends... I look forward to his artistic renderings of a "Tryathon", It's like a triathlon with the endurance sports event consisting of running, biking, and swimming over various distances yet the participants fall just short of their goal of crossing the finish line. Maybe that's why Yoda says "There is no try, only do"

It was a nice warm up to the first meeting of The Philadelphia Sketch Comedy Writing Meetup Group. I had a blast meeting other comedy writers and having the beginnings of a sketch comedy project with various story lines started. The plan is to collaborate online using google docs and film our best ideas in the next month or so for a youtube production. Fun Stuff. I told them about EnlightenedJoke.com including my definition of an Enlightened Comic (someone that shares personal feelings and experiences and avoids judgment or criticism of others) and they looked a me with disbelief as if I just said I discovered anti-gravity or said there was still a chance for "W" to go down as the best US President in history. Enlightened Comedy isn't for everyone. I agree it's an acquired taste. :-)

Written for Philly Comedy Fans
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Internet Marketing Specialists Who Are Too Special

2009-03-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

It's great that Internet Marketing Specialists are looking out for my best interest. Here's a solicitation I received recently about helping my SEO ranking for of all things, "truck parts":

"Hello, my name is Jason Miller and I am an internet marketing specialist. I was looking at websites under the keyword Truck Parts and came across your website http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com. I see that you're not ranked on
the first page of Google for a Truck Parts search."

Actually the purpose of my site is to serve the 673,000 people searching for "jokes" 450,000 searches for "comedy" and 2,745,000 searches on "funny" every month. This email helps fill that need. He goes on to say:

"I'm not sure if you're aware of why you're ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is. There's no reason you can't have a top three ranking for the keyword Truck Parts based on your site structure and content. You have a very nice site. You need significantly more one way anchor text backlinks. If you're interested I can help you with this..."

Thanks to my husband's Philadelphia based IT company who gives helpful SEO tips on 365webapplications.com and other web solutions we have helped improve SEO for keywords that are actually relevant to the site theme and expertise. :)

"I'm talking about getting you ranked for ALL your keywords. Adding new backlinks on a steady and consistent basis from high PR quality websites is what produces the rankings you are looking for http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com.

The right kind of links are very critical in getting top ranking....and I can hand deliver these quality links to you."

I'm all for Internet Marketing Specialists who know their stuff and also use common sense in speaking to the needs of prospects. Maybe there is a connection between truck parts and funny, yet It's my path to serve the 2,745,000 searching for "funny" instead of the 49,500 searching for "truck parts". Thanks Jason Miller, but you're no Jason Wood.

Visual Humor is Making a Coming Back

2009-03-06T10:37:00.000-08:00

There is an artist named Jay McPhillips. In addition to classical style portraits he has a whole collection of visual humor. You can read more about him on Mark Talaba's blog. During a conversation Mark, Jay and I had at the local coffee shop, Mark made that common statement people who associate with your parent's generation say, "You probably don't remember but Jay's humorous t-shirts remind me of Burma Shave." As you are driving down the road you see a line of the ad and then you drive some more and read the next line. Here are two I like:

Burma-Shave
Was such a boom
They passed
The bride
And kissed the groom

To kiss
A mug
That's like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave

Jay McPhillips
work will be on display
during the art opening
35 north Union, Lambertville, PA
Come to the
Art Is Zen Gallery
6pm March 14, 2009.

Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
For lovers of humorous advertising

Now Event Planners Laugh with Joy Selling Tickets

2009-03-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

So how do you know what online tools will do a great job selling tickets for your comedy jam, company roast or city wide Fringe Festival?

Here are...

3 Smokn’ Tips for Savvy Event Organizers
to Use When Selling Tickets for Your Event

But you don’t have to take my word for it…

1. Easy- Use “a platform that democratizes the ticket selling process and makes it easy for event organizers to handle online ticketing and promote their event.” –Guy Kawasaki

2. Cost Effective- Save with a service that is “transaction-based which means it costs nothing to get started and organizers can pass the fees ($2/ticket + processing) on to the ticket buyer.” –Guy Kawasaki

3. Sustainable- Work with a company that tech investors are willing to invest $2 Million because of the “combination of a large underserved market, a strong business plan to meet that need, and the core management and technology in place to properly execute," -Michael Aronson, Managing Director of MentorTech.

What company has all three and a easy to use ticket system in place to manage your next event?... Take the leap that makes sense and plan your next event with ease, flexible pricing that makes "cents". To learn more, click on through to the other side.

-----------------------------------------------
Ruth Anne Wood is a contributing writer for 365webapps.com, and co-author of You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! She helps companies put together clear, effective marketing messages via various writing and communication techniques and uses the latest social networking and PR communities to deliver her client's message. She can be reached today in her cozy snowed in Doylestown, PA abode at 215-872-5035 or ruth@ruthannewood.com finishing up her screenplay for her script manager in LA.

Political Cross Roads

2009-02-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

HUSBAND: I'm going through this little political thing in my head.
WIFE: Oh yea, you're decideing to run for mayor in the next election?
HUSBAND: No, actually I was thinking how Wall Street needed to meet up with Main Street on Church Street.
WIFE: Oh, yea? Why's that?
HUSBAND: We all need a little saving and faith.
WIFE: Gotcha!

Written by Jason Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Attention Producers:

2009-02-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

These Guests Use Comedy to Make Your Show Funnier for Listeners and Less Stressful for You

Did you know that there are over nine million Google searches for jokes every month? Obviously, the power of laughter cannot be underestimated. Ruth Anne Wood and Stash Serafin, consultants and comedy coaches, say humor can not only allow you to laugh your way out of stressful situations, but can eliminate roadblocks to success and enhance your ability to achieve your goals.

Ruth and Stash would like to serve as your “Enlightened Comedy” coaches. This is what they can do for you:

* As consultants to producers or radio/television personalities, they can improve your on-air comedy as well as instruct you on how humor can help you be more successful in dealing with staff and decrease the stress you have from putting on a show.

* As guests, they can teach any member of your audience to not only improve their comic ability, but to use humor to get over the fears blocking them from accomplishing their goals.

CREDENTIALS: Ruth Anne Wood is an author, playwright, publisher, product developer, and goal-setting and achievement renegade. Stash Serafin has appeared in the national media since the 1970s, becoming a well-known figure skater despite being blind since birth. Stash and Ruth enjoy motivating others with the healing and inspirational power of comedy. Together, they have written the book YOU CAN’T GET IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY GOT IT.

AVAILABILITY:
PA, nationwide by arrangement and via telephone
CONTACT:
Ruth Anne Wood, (215) 872-5035 (PA); ruth@scriptingforsuccess.com; www.EnlightenedJokes.com; Stash Serafin, (215) 806-0799 (PA); Stash@stashskate.com
3 Minute B Roll

Happy Valentines

2009-02-14T17:29:00.000-08:00

*(¯`´•.¸ ¸.•´´¯`,+.*`,+.*´.
’ *..`’ °´..`’ °´.*’ °´..`’ °´..`’ °´.
___♥♥♥♥♥♥`♥♥♥♥♥♥ .`-.´.+` ´°
_♥♥♥♥♥♥♥`♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥`,+.*.*´
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥`♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ `+.*`
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥`♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥`,+.*`.°
_♥♥♥♥♥ ♥`♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥ `,+.*`,+.*
__♥♥♥♥♥♥`♥♥♥♥♥♥ `,+.*`,°*`’ °
_____♥♥ Hugs ♥♥ `,+.*`,+.*`,+.
_______♥Fran♥ `,+.*`,+.*`,+.*’
_________..♥ `,+.*`,+.*`,+.*`
’ *..`’ °´..`’ °´.*’ °´..`’ °´..`’ °´.
(¯`´•.¸ ¸.•´´¯ `,+.*`,+.*´
.•´¸.•♥*¨) ¸♥.•*¨)
(¨`•.•´¨)¸.•´

Fran thanks for the swarm of love. :)

Personal Ad

2009-02-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

I like to hunt, eat, make love and sleep. Enjoy taking long walks through the garden. Looking for a little adventure. May have to dodge a few bullets. Just want a sexy blond and gray with nice tail. For hopping around, maybe more. -Peter Cotton Tail

Written for singles who desire romance, adventure and classic tail
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Comedy Divine: Timing, Proper Planning or Both?

2009-02-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

You never know what marketing, social networking and posting your enlightened comedy on enlightenedjokes.com will set in motion.

Here is a great reminder of the power of planning and "divine" timing.

I use to think I was a bad business owner. It turned out I was just bad at marketing. Something exciting changed in my business when I realized two things:

I needed to dedicate at least 20% of my time marketing every week. Constant marketing and relationship building is the life line of a healthy. growing, thriving business and two nine million people are searching for joke and funny stories every month. Many of these people are business people online looking relief from a stressful job or the challenges of being an entrepreneur.

This is where you come in. Be their source of relief. Make them laugh or cry with laughter at the funny things that go on in your industry. You don't need to be a stand up comic, just someone with simple insights about the comedy in your professional world or industry.

Whose World? BLAINE'S WORLD!

2009-02-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

Enlightened Comedy is...
when someone truly groks your book, message, conversation, action, humor... I'm deeply appreciative of Blaine from blainesworld.net sharing with his audience what he gleaned from our book: You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It!

Also I grok his philosophy ""Service is the rent we pay for living on Earth."

By the way his website is a little freaky the way Blaine's photo randomly winks back at me :)

From: BGinBC@aol.com
Date: Thu, Sep 25, 2008 at 12:16 AM
Subject: BLAINESWORLD #625
To: blainesworld@blainesworld.net

Click here to view award winning educator, Blaine Greenfield's entire post.

BLAINESWORLD
#625
9.22.2008

4. Reviews

C. The idea of a blind figure skater and visionary writer combining forces to produce an inspirational guide to moving through life seemed to be one that would be difficult to carry off . . . but I was pleasantly surprised to see that Stash Serafin and Ruth Anne Wood succeeded doing just that in their book, YOU CAN'T
GET IT 'CAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY GOT IT! (See also Section 10.)

In reading it, I felt that I got to know both authors . . . and what made them tick.

I also learned about skating, writing and life . . . for example, there was this idea contributed by Serafin:

* With a new piece of footwork, there is nothing to see. Then all of a sudden the invisible movements of my skates which were done so slowly become recognizable as I am told I move with such ease, precision and confidence.

I'm often asked; "How can you do such little movements and get such profound results?" I have practiced two inch jumps done with tiny movements that soon

(observers would tell) got suddenly higher without any effort on my part. I used to think that all skilled jumpers were able to move with this same level of ease.

And I also learned from Wood how writing certain thoughts down
can help in many ways, including this one:

* We call this the "Aha!" moment which comes when we realize we already have what we want and can easily ask for more of what we enjoy receiving or having. And Scripting for Success is a great way to clarify what you want by writing it down in a story or a success headline.

Reading your script every time you want to feel good, is an excellent way
to stay focused on what you want.

Lastly, Wood got me thinking about how learning can take place even when you don't plan on it taking place--such as when she talked about the inspiration she got for naming her characters:

* I would get an idea for a character and then let it simmer for awhile. Then one day, I would open a book, or surf the Internet, and I would find that the qualities and descriptions I gave to my key characters echoed common cultural archetypes through the ages. In essence, I was getting an honorary degree in anthropology, just by investigating my own multi-layered characters. They were far wiser and more embedded in the culture's psyche than I could have consciously devised.

Do read this informative book by Serafin and Wood if you're in the mood for something a bit different . . . and that will make you think.

D. I first discovered the concept of flow several years ago when I was working at home on a grievance matter that I was handling for my teacher's union . . . all of a sudden, I was interrupted by a call from my massage therapist . . . she was asking why I wasn't in her office for my appointment.

Now massages are one of the things I REALLY look forward to . . . yet I had been so "into" what I was doing that the appointment completely skipped my mind.

Sometime thereafter, I became acquainted with the work of esteemed psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and his work on this subject . . . so when I just got the chance to hear

FLOW: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF OPTIMAL EXPERIENCE--written by and featuring the author--I jumped at the opportunity to learn even more.

And learn I did in this fascinating book . . . most of all, I became acquainted with the following major components of the flow experience:

* There's clarity of goals.

* Feedback is immediate. You know moment-by-moment how well
you're doing.

* The challenges of the activity are matched with the skills of the person.

* There's a feeling of focus on what you're doing.

* Everyday frustrations are removed from your attention.

* You feel that you can be control of your life.

* You also lose a sense of self-consciousness.

* And as I previously observed, a sense of time is transformed.

10. A quote I like

Joy and fulfillment for me is about having the flexibility to do what I want,when I want to do it, without anyone pushing me.--Stash Serafin, blind figure skater in YOU CAN'T GET IT 'CAUSE YOU'VE ALEADY GOTTEN IT! (see also Section 4C), a book he co-authored with Ruth Anne Wood

Click here to view award winning educator, Blaine Greenfield's entire post.

When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia

2009-02-09T12:11:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you thanked, apologized or wooed someone in a big flowery way? The bigger the better, right?

But when is it going over board?

I started to imagine the 9,900 people who searched on Google last month for a rafflesia flower, how many of them actually wanted to make a heart felt purchase for a boss, friend, significant other?

I can imagine the phone call now...

Hello l-800-flowers?, do you have a rafflesia flower?

Yea I...
-just got a big raise.
-love her this much
-landed the account of my life
-am going overseas next week and want him to remember me
-I messed up in a big way
-have a corner of the room that needs a little redecorating
-am doing a love experiment
-want to make a big first impression
-am a big fan of man flowers
-a once and done sort of guy-- only like to shop for flowers once. This six foot tall flower should do the trick.

Can you ship flowers in time for Valentines Day? Humm shipping is how much? Better send two dozen roses instead. Thanks.

Written for Lovers of Flowers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?

2009-01-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

My husband Jason wrote this for our friend's 70th and sent it to a special email account his wife set up for Ken's special day with surprise birthday greetings.

Greetings Sir Ken,

I am prince Abdul Yakoubar from Estonia. My father has passed on and left me a huge sum of money (over 2 million). I am contact you, Ken, because you are man of distinction and someone I can trust. Your reputation as a ride leader makes you a perfect candidate for this mission.

My father, Jarraq "Jerry" Yakoubar was a professional businessman who enjoyed bicycling throughout Africa and Europe. In his travels he traded diamonds, emassing great wealth. To honor his tradition I have choosen you as a cyclist to continue his journey. All I need from you is a bank account number to transfer his great wealth into and then when I arrive in the United States, I will withdraw half of the funds to move my family to your great country. Since I'm over 50, I might also ask you to allow me to stay in your great home as part of the Evergreen Club. I will then begin my own journey across your nation on bicycle and would ask you join me for that journey to honor my father.

If intersted, please contact me with this email for futher discussion.

The honorable Prince Abdul Yakoubar.

HAPPY 70TH KEN! - Jason & Ruth

Jason Wood © 2009 Editor of www.365webapplications.com

Who's the New Stanley Kubrick of Our Generation?

2009-01-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

Who's creating films with such powerful sounds and images etched in our minds? Who's capturing the conversation of world adventures, fears and hopes? Are you a fan of this film maker? Is it YOU? Weigh in Stanley Kubrivk fans on facebook.

Tina Fey Understands The 6 Steps to Set and Achieve Goals

2009-01-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Tina Fey for inspiring me for so many years to be an inspirational writer, director, coach and playwright. You are one of the special people that really understands "The Six Steps to making your dreams come true"! http://www.scriptingforsuccess.com/Setting_and_Acheving_Dreams.htm

Elizabeth Tina Fey Facebook Fan Page

Interview for Enlightened Goal Setters and Achievers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

6 Steps to Setting and Achieving Your Dreams

2009-01-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

I wish I knew this a lot sooner and yet I think I knew it all along:
6 Steps to Setting and Achieving Your Dreams
30 minute interview with the director of Scripting for Success.
Oh wait c'est moi!

Interview for Enlightened Goal Setters and Achievers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

The Enlightened Comedy of Urban Legends Through Email

2009-01-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

I was inspired to stop and think from this email:

"A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

Comments: True. For 45 minutes on the morning of January 12, 2007, concert violinist Joshua Bell stood incognito on a Washington, D.C. subway platform and performed classical music for passersby. Video and audio of the performance are available on the Washington Post website.

"No one knew it," explained Washington Post reporter Gene Weingarten several months after the event, "but the fiddler standing against a bare wall outside the Metro in an indoor arcade at the top of the escalators was one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written on one of the most valuable violins ever made." Weingarted came up with the experiment to see how ordinary people would react.

And how did they react? For the most part, not at all. More than a thousand people entered the Metro station as Bell worked his way through a set list of classical masterpieces, but only a few stopped to listen. Some dropped money in his open violin case (for a total of about $27), but most never even stopped to look, Weingarten wrote.

The text above, penned by an unidentifed author and circulated via blogs and email, poses a philosophical question: "If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?"

Which is fair to ask, and fair to answer that the demands of our fast-paced workaday world can indeed stand in the way of appreciating truth and beauty and other contemplative delights when we encounter them. But it's equally fair to point out that there's an appropriate time and place for everything. Was an experiment really necessary to determine that rush hour on a busy subway platform isn't conducive to an appreciation of the sublime? Probably not, though it makes for an interesting story just the same.

Email This Article

Sources and further reading:

Video of Joshua Bell's Subway Platform Performance
WashingtonPost.com, 7 April 2007

Pearls Before Breakfast
Washington Post Magazine, 7 April 2007

Too Busy to Stop and Hear the Music
WashingtonPost.com, 9 April 2007"

What Are You Afraid to Try?

2009-01-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

This Dynamic Duo: A Goal Setting and Achievement Coach and her co-author an Inspiring Friend a Blind Ice Skater Tells Audience Members How to Stop Putting Their Dreams on Ice

Has anyone ever told you that you couldn’t do something? Are you letting fear hold you back from pursuing your dreams? Blind since birth, figure skater Stash Serafin never let fears or obstacles get in the way of his dream of becoming a nationally-renowned figure skater.

Stash, along with his co-author, Ruth Anne Wood, a coach who helps her clients achieve their own impossible dreams, will relate his amazing story of determination and personal triumph. His story will inspire others to overcome their personal roadblocks to success. Stash and Ruth will talk about:

* Six steps to overcoming the obstacles which stand in the way of achieving your dreams.

* How to get the people around you to help you accomplish your goals.

* How to stop stalling. Why you don’t need to learn a new skill, go back to school or have more money to achieve your dreams.

CREDENTIALS: Stash Serafin inspires and teaches people on and off the ice and has appeared in the national media since the 1970s, skating with local and world-class figure skaters despite being blind since birth. Ruth Anne Wood is the director of Scripting for Success™, a production company that helps clients set and achieve impossible dreams. She is the editor of the e-zine Script Your Success and of multiple books. Serafin and Wood have written YOU CAN’T GET IT ‘CAUSE YOU’VE ALREADY GOT IT.

AVAILABILITY: PA, nationwide by arrangement and via telephone

CONTACT: Ruth Anne Wood, (215) 872-5035 (PA); ruth@scriptingforsuccess.com;
Stash Serafin, (215) 806-0799 (PA); Stash@stashskate.com

MEDIA: Three minute "b roll" of Ruth and Stash (3 minute "b roll" of Ruth and Stash talking and Stash skating)

MEDIA KIT: You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It!

BLOG: "The Enlightened Comic"

http://www.rtironline.com/blog?cmd=search&keywords=Ruth+Anne+Wood

Written for Enlightened Media
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?

2009-01-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

How marketers fend off hate mongers with carrots rather than swords...

Joe's problem was that a computer manufacturer with the initials of D.E.L.L. ruined his computer with online tech support. For a week he was complaining about it. Then today Joe explained he just bought a new server!

And my husband asked , "Well, you didn't buy from DELL, did you?"And Joe said, "they gave me 'free' pro support!" And he is now a fan of DELL again. The point is DELL messed up his life royally for a whole week and got away with it because DELL'S CARROT was mightier than Joe's sword.

And that's how a fair amount of these internet marketers retain customers and deflect negative feedback.

It's like saying "I get eight free ads from a large media PR firm after taking their "Million dollar author crash course". Instead of going to my credit card company and demanding my $4500 "investment" back for something that hasn't made me a million dollars yet, the promise of using those eight "free" ads keeps me on the hook. Don't get me wrong I'd gladly pay that amount again in a year or two for such a great steady diet of carrots.

Written for Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

The Comedy Is: How Powerful Committment Is Once You Make One

2009-01-06T17:06:00.001-08:00

I'm asking for all the inspiration, support and encouragement I can get to take my eight year dream of writing the rough draft of my screen play "The Five Rites" by January 31, 2009. Here's your chance to encourage and coach the woman in 9th grade dubbed "The Writer of Our Lives" because what I write about has a nack for "coming true".

One of the reasons I put this fiction story on the back burner for a while was the imaginary/ archetypal characters and events I wrote about took on a life of their own and mirrored the events and relationships of my future that are now here. That's one of the reasons the subtitle of my co-authored book with Stash Serafin, _You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It!_ is: A blind figure skater and visionary writer's inspirational guide to moving through life.

Now with all your wisdom of goal setting and achieving SMART goals please weigh in and coach me and my readers what it takes to honr your commitments and acheive your "impossible" goals.

Click here to post Comments i.e. share you insights and offer me your encouraging kudos. Thanks!

5 Tips For Creating Effective Marketing with Enlightened Comedy

2009-01-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

1. Observe something funny about your industry.
2. Record your experience of noted industry practices by sharing how it makes you feel.
3. Notice other enlightened observations about your competitions' business and comment on their blog or website to drive traffic to you site.
4. Invent an off the wall pie in the sky solution to your clients' biggest problems and roll it out as a product or service and notice what happens...
5. Quote your favorite comedians.

BONUS ROUND
6. To spice up your marketing ask yourself, "What would (insert one of your favorite enlightened comedian's name) do?
7. Go to The Onion for comical reporting of half made up news for inspiration.

Written for Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Remeber The Original Budweiser Frogs Commercial?

2009-01-02T10:29:00.000-08:00

How effective is marketing with "enlightened comedy"?
Everyone, even me who hasn't owned a TV in about two years remembers the 1995 Super Bowl Budweiser Frog Commercial? Why, because it's "Enlightened Comedy" at its best! It's just three frogs below a sign saying the product name. I'm sure my Sesame Street generation (1975) and Two Headed Monster Fans loves it the best.

What's the best advertising money can buy? Enlightened Comedy? People can read your sales pitch for so long, week after week and still not get your message or really care. People can read long ezines with helpful tips and skim here and there. I'm guilty of that even with my friends.

Let's see if my theory works
Email me at ruth@ruthannewood.com with a link to your site and your name, company name and phone number and I'll create an "Enlightened Comedy" post about your products and services that gets emailed to everyone I know.

You have full rights to use the Enlighten Comedy with your "enlightened" message to make everyone on your list laugh and pass on the "Enlightened Comedy" promoting your
business. For a limited time this service is F.R.E.E. Also I may even add it to my permanent wall of Enlightened Comedy which is cool because over 7,000,000 people searched google for jokes last month! Too bad they did see yours yet!

Need Enlightened Comedy and Jokes? Read my blog for inspired ideas!!

http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com/

Written for Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

PAIN vs. PANE

2009-01-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

WIFE: It's snowing! Have you been outside.
HUSBAND: I've checked my gmail account. :)
See the snowing icon?
WIFE: Ha. Ha.
KNOCK KNOCK
(Minutes later...)
WIFE: Who was that?
HUSBAND: A window salesman.
WIFE: Couldn't he tell we already have windows?
HUSBAND: Yea, he wasn't a very good salesman.
WIFE: Why's that?
HUSBAND: He should of sold me on PAIN.
WIFE: Instead he just talked to you about your window PANE.
HUSBAND: Exactly, he really needs Sandler Training!
WIFE: Clearly.

Written for Sandler Training and Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success

Ever say, "I'll take the first job out there I find on Google"?

2008-12-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

McDonald's Now Hiring Losers

Life Purpose

2008-12-27T17:51:00.000-08:00

SON: I've had enough of this crazy world.
MOM: What do you mean?
SON: I think I'm going to end it before life gets any worse.
MOM: What's so horrible?
SON: For starters my life has no purpose.
MOM: Hold on a second, if you weren't here who would take out the the trash?
SON: Alright, Mom, I'll take out the trash, but after that my life will have no purpose.
MOM: I'll need someone to put a fresh bags in the waste basket twice a week.
SON: Alright, but after that my work here is done.
MOM: That's the thing, this is an ongoing responsibility. It's not a one time gig.
SON: I'm not so sure you couldn't find someone else more dependable to fill that position.
MOM: Someone will also need to help me consume these groceries before they spoil. I can't do that without your help.
SON: What do I look like, a human garbage disposal?
MOM: We all have our gifts.

Written for XM Comedy
Ruth Anne Wood © 2008 Scripting for Success

Are You A Kid or a Grown Up?

2008-12-25T08:51:00.001-08:00

There's one way to find out
if you are a kid or grown up.
Forget owning your own house
or getting excited when you open a present.

Take the Pecan Twirls test.
If you bit into the Twirl
than you're an adult.

If you bite one end
and untwirl it as you munch
you're a kid.

What if you do both?
Then your my husband
who teeters back and forth
even though he looks like
he's eighteen instead of 30
And today he looks about 7 or 8!

Written for Mrs. Freshley's
Ruth Anne Wood © 2008 Scripting for Success

Another Enlightened Comic!

2008-12-24T14:20:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Fran, for reminding me how much I like Shel Silverstein. Your post inspired some poetry writing of my own. After all a poet, artist, playwright, children's book publisher, comic and word smith ought to read up on such an Enlightened Comic!

Tryin' On Clothes

I tried on the farmer's hat,
Didn't fit...
A little too small -- just a bit
Too floppy.
Couldn't get used to it,
Took it off.

I tried on the dancer's shoes,
A little too loose.
Not the kind you could use
for walkin'.
Didn't feel right in 'em,
Kicked 'em off.

I tried on the summer sun,
Felt good.
Nice and warm -- knew it would.
Tried the grass beneath bare feet,
Felt neat.
Finally, finally felt well dressed,
Nature's clothes fit me best.

Written by Shel Silverstein

Dancin' 'Cause I Can

I walked on the road
'cause the sidewalk was icy wet.
As I was walking, I made up a little dance
that hasn't caught on just yet...
It's two steps forward
a slip and wobble to the left
and an deep sigh of relief.
Then the dance starts up
all over again.

In a couple of days new dance steps are added
sloosh, slosh SPLASH!

In the spring
when my fever for fresh air and sun light is high
It's stroll, stroll
twirl with the peach blossoms
that dance in the breeze
Caught in step with me!

Written for Shel Silverstein
Ruth Anne Wood © 2008 Scripting for Success

Where Do You Get Good Gift Ideas?

2008-12-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

Doll Face says:
Hi Rosie Cheeks Is your phone working?
Rosie Cheeks says:
Yes, but I think I was on the phone when you called.
Doll Face says:
Ahh.
Rosie Cheeks says:
Where are you? Did the car start again?
Doll Face says:
I'm going to walk into town, since the car battery is dead.
Doll Face says:
I have to walk to Pete's to drop off the books first.
Rosie Cheeks says:
I'll pick you up in 15 minutes after I send out a couple emails.
Doll Face says:
That would be awesome. Thanks!
Rosie Cheeks says:
Guess we should have bought a battery instead of flowers for your dad for Christmas?
Doll Face says:
Doh!
Rosie Cheeks says:
It would look pretty with a red bow.
Doll Face says:
Red and blue.
Rosie Cheeks says:
Could have sent him a photo.
Doll Face says:
You never know where great gift ideas are coming next!
Rosie Cheeks says:
Chances are it will work again once it warms up, but whenever it is below freezing it won't work.
Doll Face says:
It started and then I dumbly turned it off.
Rosie Cheeks says:
Dope.
Doll Face says:
Doh.
Doll Face says:
See ya in 15. Thanks.

Written for XM Comedy
Ruth Anne Wood © 2008 Scripting for Success

Adam Sandler's Original Hanukkah Song

2008-12-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

This spiritual, interfaith, raised Christian's , favorite pop Chanukah (Hanukkah) Song is hands down Adam Sandler's original Chanukah (Hanukkah) Song.

Happy Chanukah!

The Perfect Gift For Your Baby's Cyber Success

2008-12-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

MID WIFE: Congratulation, Sonya you have a healthy baby girl!

GRANDMOM: What are you going to name my first granddaughter?

NEW MOM: We’re checking on that right now.

GRANDMOM: How about Sarah Karen Mott after both Grandmothers?

NEW DAD: Let me check. Mom, sorry to say Sarah with an “h” is taken, but KarenSarahMott.com is still available.

GRANDMOM: Hey, what’s this all about?

NEW MOM: Our webmaster said it’s in the best interest of our baby’s future livelihood to register her domain name before someone else swoops it up.

NEW DAD: Yea, its right up there with buying whole life insurance while our child has a perfect bill of health.

Written for The Next Big Idea
Visit For the Love of Baby for more great baby gift ideas.
Ruth Anne Wood © 2008 Scripting for Success

Fish Bowl

2008-12-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

EXECUTIVE: I got a call from Trade Magazine Inc.

PARTNER: What did they want?

EXECUTIVE: They want to do a story on my business.

PARTNER: How did they hear about you?

EXECUTIVE: I dropped a card in their fish bowl at last week’s trade show.

PARTNER: Did you tell them you were a very busy.

EXECUTIVE: What do you mean?

PARTNER: Last week when I lined up an interview with you to speak to an author about starting your business, at first you said you were too busy and then he gave us a million dollar tip during the conversation.

EXECUTIVE: Well, she said the interview would be brief.

PARTNER: You mean questions like, would you like to subscribe to our magazine?

EXECUTIVE: If that's the case I'll give, quick, short answers.

Free "Sample"

2008-12-11T20:24:00.000-08:00

I go through the drive thru of a new coffee shop around eleven pm, just of the turn pike. There is still a backhoe in the front parking lot and I am greeted by a friendly baristo. Yea, I think that's what you call a male worker in an espresso bar. It’s obvious English isn’t his first language and when he asks me what I want I say, “One Espresso, please.”

“A what?” I hear him echo back.

“One Espresso, please.”

“Excuse me, sir, can you please pull around.”

Once I get to the pick up window he motions to park and come inside. My wife watches as I wait for him to unlock the front door. The baristo asks me again what I want.

“Espresso”, I point to stack of the smallest cups.

“Ah, you mean sample.”

He proceeds to fill the cup with the espresso machine. “Here you go, sir.”

I take out my wallet, ready to pay the man. “No charge for the sample,” he insists.

We give each other a courteous nod as I thank him for the ‘sample’. My wife and I savor the taste and humbling story of our “free sample” all the way home.