Dirty Business

Marketing Person: My friend has a Mitas touch. Everything he does turns into gold.

Designer: Really?

Marketing Person: Ya, he just throws $30,000 at it and it is successful.

Designer: So what's he doing this time?

Marketing Person: From our brief conversation he had this idea start a port-a-john business.

Programmer: I heard you can make a shit-load of money in that business.

Written for people who know how to get shit done.
©2010 Jason Wood

How To Be Funny

Staney has a way to break down the elements of humor and does a good job how to use it to be funny. It's my favorite science class to date. :-) I don't like his strategy he uses to make other annoying people into an idiot using humor but that's just me. And my husband doesn't like it when I unconsciously use one of the How to Be Funny techniques to flirt with the opposite sex. I guess I don't blame him. Anyway Stanley offers a nice money back guarantee and it's a fun read. I actually got more excited with each new technique.

Click Here!

My Favorite Things

On your birthday this month, I thought you'd get a kick out of the item
below--and hope that you get to enjoy your special day!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Birthday song for you

To commemorate her 69th birthday, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews
made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie, THE SOUND
OF MUSIC.

However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, open back "dresses,"
Polident, Fi xodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
It's then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

THE RESPONSE:
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes, and she also was asked for and gave repeated encores.

MY TWO CENTS:
I imagine that the above did not take place for a few minutes; i.e., until
all had a chance to rise from their seats. (After you reach a certain age,
it does take longer to stand up after sitting.)

***** PLEASE NOTE *****

Above was originally run in BLAINESWORLD, my weekly newsletter . . . if you're not getting it and want to be added to FREE mailing list, send an email to bginbc@aol.com and put SUBSCRIPTION in subject line . . . you'll get similar messages, jokes, websites, reviews, etc. . . . new readers are always welcome, so also feel free to mention this missive to your friends.

Favorite Enlightened Jokes Posts

Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?
Toilet Paper Advertising
Attract Money Now
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Elevator Speech
Turkey Chuckle
Meteor Shower On Facebook
New Parents
What are the six steps to radio humor?
My Neighbor The Seg Juggler
World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ
Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (Toto)
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short
Got Monday Morning Cartoons?
A Bloody Good Skit
Switching Media Message Made All the Difference
Mark and Jesse's audience
Circumcision
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
Do You Support Ciggargation?
Visiual Humor Is Making A Comeback Jay took the really brilliantly funny stuff off his site and put in Staff Pick
Political Cross Roads
Personal Ad
When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia
Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?
Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?