Infirmary or Affirmary?

The year I graduated high school I worked at a holistic summer camp for adults for two and a half months , called Omega Institute up in Rhinebeck, NY where they had daily yoga, meditation, organic gourmet food and renowned speakers on mind, body and spirit come and teach. For two and half months I slept in a tent in the woods staked on a soft bail of hay. I was a float so I had the experience of working in the café, house keeping, and production. That year there had been a large population of lime ticks. One day I noticed a strange black spot surrounded by a red circle on my arm and choose to get medical attention to make sure I was O.K. When I got there, I told a staff member about the spot on my arm.

Across the room they said. “Oh, you’re O.K. Everything is just fine.”

“Great, I said, do you want to look at it closer?”

“Oh,” she said, “you may want to go to the Infirmary. This is the Affirmary, where we affirm your well being.”

The good news is when I finally did get to the Infirmary, they gave me pretty much the same answer.

© 2008 Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting For Success
Story Written for Oprah

MONOLOGUE: Warner Bros

ELLEN: Tonight one of my friends is going on a blind date with the best friend of a guy she dated a couple times over the last three years.

I told her, “Hey, that’s a good endorsement if he’s fixing you up with his best friend.”

That’s when Chris said (Beat.) Chris my girl friend not the guy she’s going on a blind date with. Chris, Chris. Oh that’s funny.

Anyway. My friend Chris, she told me the blind date and the guy she previously went out with both have tattoos on their left shoulder. One has the Road Runner and the other guy has The Tasmanian Devil.

That’s when I jokingly said, This is confussing, from now on I’ll just call them them the Warner Bros.

© 2008 Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting For Success
Written for ellen the ellen degeneres show

Day 1: Quest for the Enlightened Comic

JAY LENO: My next guest went in search for an Enlightened Comic, you know someone who doesn't peeper their jokes with judgments or complaints- (Beat.) I know. I know, and instead focuses on personal feelings and experiences, perhaps a Seinfeld without the sarcasm. She first did a Google search for jokes by the Dalai Lamai, and couldn't find any.

Here's my suggestion. In addition to giving lectures on promoting peace through compassion, why not bill His Holiness as the Enlightened Comic. Unsuspecting fans would tune into Late Night to get a blast of spiritually uplifting humor before drifting off to deep meditation.

So who will host His Holiness, Dalai Lama (14th) -Tenzin Gyatso as the Enlightened Comic first? Should it be me, Dave Letterman, Conan O'Brian, Jon Stewart, Craig Ferguson, Stephen Colbert or my next guest who has been dubbed as "The Writer of Our Lives" and has written a book with a blind figure skater. Please welcome the very talented young lady, Ruth Anne Wood.

For Fans of the Dalai Lama
© 2008 Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting For Success
Written for Jay Leno

7 Qualities of an Enlightened Comic

MEREDITH: Our next guest went on a quest to find the universal qualities of an Enlightened Comic. Her research hit a wall when she determined an Enlightened Comic is someone who doesn't derive jokes around judgments or criticism of others rather makes keen and an funny observations on personal feelings and experiences. Please welcome, author, playwright, world traveler, Ruth Anne Wood.

1. Every joke acts as a positive affirmation rather than an attack on someone or something else?
(Thank you for reading. I'll get back to you when I actually discover such a comic.)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

© 2008 Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting For Success
Written for The View

Get your copy of a story about a real
Visionary Writer and a Blind Figure Skater With A Vision

STORY: Two Pictures

A friend reunited with his college sweetheart after 25 years.

“I finally figured out the secret to a successful long term relationship,” he proclaimed, “take a little break in between!”

Then he showed me pictures of them when they were engaged at 23, and a picture taken shortly after they rediscovered each other, after a total of six kids and two failed marriages. He asked me which picture I liked better, prefacing; the ladies say ‘you two look good’ and the guys say ‘she looks great.’ What, what do you think?

After viewing both, I emailed him, “I’m rooting for the couple in the picture taken last weekend!”

© 2008 Scripting For Success
Written for Craig Ferguson

Get your copy of You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It!
about a Visionary Writer and a Blind Figure Skater With A Vision

Spoof on "The Producers" song

Just for fun, I rewrote the lyrics to "Spring Time for Hitler and Germany" the day before Hilary froze her campaign against Obama. Check out "Spring Time for Obama and Hilary"

© 2008 Ruth Anne Wood, Scripting For Success
Written for SNL

TODAY'S SKIT: Oops

WIFE: Thanks for picking me up! When I left to go to my meeting, both cars were gone, so I started walking!
HUSBAND: Before I left to go to the office, I asked you if you had to go anywhere.
WIFE: Oh, I thought you meant then, when you asked at 8am? My meeting isn’t until
10am, which was five minutes to go.
HUSBAND: I guess I should have reminded you we left one of the cars at the office when we went out to dinner.
WIFE: Let’s just hope our kid’s are only half as bad as their mother. Consider me training.
HUSBAND: Believe me, I do. I can see it now.
WIFE: Holly, do you need me to drop you off at soccer today?
HUSBAND: No, Dad. But I’m late to basketball practice. -- Where did you get the name Holly?
WIFE: We’ll Mr. Wood
HUSBAND: Yes, Mrs. Wood.
WIFE: The name’s I’ve come up with so far are Holly for a girl and Sandal if we have a boy.
HUSBAND: Ugg. If you grew up with our last name, you’d reconsider.
WIFE: Hey I know all about the last name “Dilley”. Don’t dilly-dally around. You’ve got yourself into quite a pickle.
HUSBAND: Kids said that?
WIFE: No, teachers.

© 2008 Scripting For Success
Written for XM Comedy -Satellite Radio

TODAY'S SKIT: Writing Assignment

WIFE: We were asked to submit 3-5 sentences of advice to a book for newly weds. You write the suggestions for the new husbands and I’m requested to write my marriage perspective for the new wives. Only our first name and last initial will appear in the book.

HUSBAND: Ugg, I don’t know.

WIFE: I’ll even type it for you. (theatrical voice change) Hey where are you going? errrrrrr (squealing tires)

HUSBAND: Ok. Here it goes…
Now that you are over the initial shock that you are married, buy a dozen roses, hunker down and enjoy the ride. But seriously, I like having a nice, sexy woman to cuddle with me. I like having someone supportive to share ideas. I like joking and having fun. I like cooking together. Savor every moment (Oh I’m just saying that because I’m eating her pumpkin pie.) Now is the time tell her deep dark secrets like the person you really wanted to marry… well maybe not that secret but you’ll feel much better after you come clean on at least the smaller stuff. Yum.

WIFE: Great comedy, really. Do you want to revise anything before I hit send?

HUSBAND: Uhm… It’s advice for new husbands so change the “I” statements to “you”.

WIFE: Alright. Let’s do it. (Typing) Now that you are over the initial shock that you are married, buy a dozen roses, hunker down and enjoy the ride. But seriously, enjoy having a beautiful mate to cuddle with, (no matter how many beers that may require)

WIFE: What?!?

HUSBAND: Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a beautiful, sexy wife.

WIFE: Aw.

HUSBAND: Take advantage of having someone supportive to share ideas. Cooking together is a great activity to do together. Savor every moment. Now is the time tell her deep dark secrets like the person you really wanted to marry… Well, maybe not that secret but you’ll feel much better after you come clean on at least the smaller stuff. Yum.

(10 minutes later)

WIFE: Alright, are you listening? (Silence)
-Save sentimental gifts, such as a rock you picked up on your romantic walks together.
-Pick out fun post cards and mail them to each other on one of your local outings or on vacations.
-Keep a joke journal or file on your computer to capture some of the funny moments in your marriage.
-Read them out loud from time to time for a way to relieve stress and have a good laugh.
-Stay in the habit of leaving loving and flirty messages on his phone.
-Save his for a couple days for a great pick me up and to fan the flames of passion while you’re apart.
-Be really clear about your needs and share them right away instead of waiting until you burst.
-Make plans with other couples who have the kind of marriage you adore as you bask in your bright future together.

HUSBAND: Awe, awe (in a chirping cadence)

(Email) WIFE: Hi Michele, We (I mean my husband got a little silly when he dictated what to type. Feel free to cut out the beginning or leave it in. Your choice. (See attached) Thanks.

(Email) EDITOR: You’re husband’s input is fine... I like the funny ones too. My brother-in-law's was, "Never go to bed angry... the longest I've ever been awake is 5 days." :-) I may condense them a little or use more than one on different pages if that is ok. Thank you so much... we'll be in touch!

©2008 Scripting for Success
Written for XM Comedy,-Satellite Radio

TODAY'S COMEDY SKETCH: Frozen

WIFE: Let's turn around.
HUSBAND: Let's keep going,
we haven't even walked half way around the loop.
WIFE: The lake is almost completely frozen.
Have you warmed up, yet?
HUSBAND: I can’t feel my toes right now and my left-
WIFE: Let’s talk about something else.
HUSBAND: I could go for a nice cup of coffee.
WIFE: Hot chocolate warms me up every time
and maybe some marshmallows.
HUSBAND: I don’t know about you, I’m not any warmer,
but all of a sudden I have a sugar high.

©2008 Scripting for Success
Written for XM Comedy,-Satellite Radio

TODAY'S JOKE :The Eternal Optimist

HUSBAND: You want to go for a walk?
WIFE: Nope.
HUSBAND: What's up?
WIFE: I haven’t even taken my coat off from a couple hours ago. I’m chilly.
HUSBAND: That’s the great thing about this time of year…
WIFE: What?
HUSBAND: Air condition is much cheaper.
WIFE: Ah the eternal optimist (half smile).

©2008 Scripting for Success
Written for XM Comedy, Satellite Radio

How Do You Re Set Your Universal Remote?

Remember the Adam Sandler's movie "Click" that illustrated what could happen if we really did have a Universal Remote?

We would experience what we habitually wanted for better or worse until we reset the program? Oh, I almost forgot, we do have one!

What are some of the ways we can re set our own Universal Remote? - (Something that Obama and others are demonstrating in big ways) that then broadcasts our favorite Love channel, Money channel, Comedy Channel, Health channel, Relationship channel, Adventure...

Humm... That's a powerful question. Send me a word or two on how you reset your Universal Remote. I'll post my favorite responses with special web links back to your site as part of this online user guide and I'll tell you what I did to reset my universal remote from lonely to meeting my beloved husband, broke and attracting $20,000 out of the blue and other cool client examples of how they reset their universal remote in one coaching session to enjoy more prosperity, abundance, laughter, powerful connections and joy! Some are quicker at re setting the remote than others but the instructions are the same. Thanks!

Click: to share what you use to reprogram your channels
with the subject Universal Remote

I'll be posting responses till December 1, 2008. Send me your response today!

Dan reset his "love" remote in less 14 days

Thanks Ruth for helping me to clarify in such a positive way exactly what I want in my life.” (14 days later) There is so much abundance. I really feel in sync with the Universe. The Universe and I are flowing together. My needs and intentions are being met in the most unpredictable and fascinating ways! Love and blessings, Dan -Dan Harvey, PhD, College Professor

Michael loved his "love channel" six moths later

Earlier this year, I decided to contact Ruth to try something different. I was divorced 3 years ago and was having no luck meeting someone new. I had tried many of the internet dating sites, blind dates and matchmakers. No matter what I tried, I was just not meeting the right person. I have to say up front, that I am an Electrical Engineer and Ruth's work does not fit into my logical way of thinking. I decided to try scripting anyway, because I had nothing to lose... read HOW he reset his "remote" I met my soul mate just like the script said and she is everything I have been looking for. The most amazing part is that she just showed up in my life with no effort on my part. I have no doubt that reading this script over and over again put me in the right place spiritually and physically for me to meet my soul mate. I can't thank you enough Ruth. -Michael Cristofalo, Electrical Engineer

I'm Not A Comedian But I tell Jokes In Real Life

For years I had secretly imagined myself writing bits for mostly male comics and gravitated to Robin William, Seinfeld, Steve Martin, Jay Leno, Steven Colbert, George Carlin, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and Dinnis Miller. I'm almost embarassed to say my worst inner critic distinctly sounds like Jim Carrey.

My earlier comical female influences included Goldie Hawn, Woopie Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Bette Midler and just in general my all time favorite lady, Meryl Streep. I loved the way these people boldly framed the world through their distinct perspective.

Recently, I had a wake up call to the new generation of comics who had slipped my radar since dare I say, my husband and I unplugged our TV over a year ago. Hey that's what You Tube is for, right? While writing the opening scene for my screenplay "Five Rites" (where the leading lady gives a light hearted speech to her family the day she introduces her fiancé) I began researching female comics. A whole new world of humor and style opened up for me.

Over the last three years my own comic voice has come through as I've actively taken the funny , insightful moments in my life and jotted them down in a sketch comedy format. Lately my husband has been encouraging me to "put it in the joke file"

Then it dawned on me, I am writing for my favorite comics as I went back and wrote in their voice I heard in my head. Now that's comedy. So I'm starting a movement to maintain or restore sanity. It's called write your story down and then assign a comedian who would be great at telling your story as if it were their own.