Gary Vaynerchuk and Conan O'Brian Crush It

Thanks Gary Vaynerchuk and Conan O'Brian! This is Enlightened Comedy at its finest!

Gary Vaynerchuk on Conan O'Brien from Kevin Cupp on Vimeo.

Laughter Club

Dirty Business

Marketing Person: My friend has a Mitas touch. Everything he does turns into gold.

Designer: Really?

Marketing Person: Ya, he just throws $30,000 at it and it is successful.

Designer: So what's he doing this time?

Marketing Person: From our brief conversation he had this idea start a port-a-john business.

Programmer: I heard you can make a shit-load of money in that business.

Written for people who know how to get shit done.
©2010 Jason Wood

How To Be Funny

Staney has a way to break down the elements of humor and does a good job how to use it to be funny. It's my favorite science class to date. :-) I don't like his strategy he uses to make other annoying people into an idiot using humor but that's just me. And my husband doesn't like it when I unconsciously use one of the How to Be Funny techniques to flirt with the opposite sex. I guess I don't blame him. Anyway Stanley offers a nice money back guarantee and it's a fun read. I actually got more excited with each new technique.

Click Here!

My Favorite Things

On your birthday this month, I thought you'd get a kick out of the item
below--and hope that you get to enjoy your special day!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Birthday song for you

To commemorate her 69th birthday, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews
made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie, THE SOUND
OF MUSIC.

However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, open back "dresses,"
Polident, Fi xodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
It's then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

THE RESPONSE:
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes, and she also was asked for and gave repeated encores.

MY TWO CENTS:
I imagine that the above did not take place for a few minutes; i.e., until
all had a chance to rise from their seats. (After you reach a certain age,
it does take longer to stand up after sitting.)

***** PLEASE NOTE *****

Above was originally run in BLAINESWORLD, my weekly newsletter . . . if you're not getting it and want to be added to FREE mailing list, send an email to bginbc@aol.com and put SUBSCRIPTION in subject line . . . you'll get similar messages, jokes, websites, reviews, etc. . . . new readers are always welcome, so also feel free to mention this missive to your friends.

Favorite Enlightened Jokes Posts

Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?
Toilet Paper Advertising
Attract Money Now
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Elevator Speech
Turkey Chuckle
Meteor Shower On Facebook
New Parents
What are the six steps to radio humor?
My Neighbor The Seg Juggler
World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ
Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (Toto)
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short
Got Monday Morning Cartoons?
A Bloody Good Skit
Switching Media Message Made All the Difference
Mark and Jesse's audience
Circumcision
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
Do You Support Ciggargation?
Visiual Humor Is Making A Comeback Jay took the really brilliantly funny stuff off his site and put in Staff Pick
Political Cross Roads
Personal Ad
When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia
Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?
Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?

The Pudding Guy

Posted in Oddities by Greg Ross on February 22nd, 2010

In 1999, UC-Davis civil engineer David Phillips was grocery shopping when he noticed something peculiar. Healthy Choice Foods was offering frequent-flyer miles to customers who bought its products. But a 25-cent pudding would bring 100 miles — the reward was worth more than the product itself.

Recognizing a good thing, Phillips bought 12,150 servings of pudding for $3,140, claiming he was stocking up for Y2K. Then he enlisted the Salvation Army to help him peel off the UPC codes, in exchange for donating the pudding.

He mailed his submission to Healthy Choice, and to their credit they awarded him 1.25 million frequent-flyer miles, enough for 31 round trips to Europe, 42 to Hawaii, 21 to Australia, or 50 anywhere in the United States.

There’s no downside. Phillips also got Aadvantage Gold status for life with American Airlines, which brings a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades, and bonus miles. And he got an $815 tax writeoff for donating the pudding.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For travelers who add to the humor of travel

Spell it Right

For someone who writes so much, I'm embarrassed that my spelling is so atrocious.

You'd think the birthday cards my grandmother sent back to me in my childhood with red "sp" marks through the letters would spur me to practice my spelling.

The problem is when I started to care I got a thing called Spell Check on my computer.

You give it your best shot, type out the word, see that something is misspelled and right click on the word and it automatically gives you alternative spelling options to the one you've chosen. It becomes so automatic that I stop thinking about learning the new spelling and using it in a sentence.

It's kind of annoying that the words I've always known how to spell are suddenly wrong... according to my email spell checker.

My favorite word is now f-a-v-o-u-r-i-t-e now that my browser is on the British setting.

And my neighbors live much further away now that I spell them n-e-i-g-h-b-o-u-r-s.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Writers Who Need Help Spelling

Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?

WIFE: How was your day?

HUSBAND: Pretty good. I give it an 8 out of 9.

WIFE: People have a five star rating or 10/10 days where did you come up with 8/9?

HUSBAND: I had 9 things on my to do list and only got 8 accomplished.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For people who want to improve life's rating system

Toilet Paper Advertising

WIFE: Wow! Gimp illustrator on Linux even has toilet paper as a print size.

HUSBAND: What do you mean?

WIFE: There is US standard, legal, floppy disk and toilet paper.

HUSBAND: Ha! Someone had a sense of humor.

WIFE: What if someone printed a 1000 rolls of toilet paper with their company information for next week's convention? People would think about their company for at least a week!

HUSBAND: That depend on how shitty of a week they had!

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For creative marketers

Know Your Market Before You Waste Time in Social Media

I recently met with a client that wanted me to teach her how to use facebook, twitter, linkedin and wordpress in two hours. I usually don't do house calls since I work with most of my clients over the phone and mainly in interactive coaching groups. With our laptops open on the kitchen table, I knew right away I had my work cut out for me with my client's daughter just feet away on the living room couch loudly playing on the playstation and her teenage son also home on holiday gabbing non stop on the phone.

My IT business owner husband who gives talks at the local Chamber of Commerce and professional groups usually on one social network platform per talk was amazed I took on the challenge of addressing multiple platforms in a two hour visit. "I know," I sighed. it was for a single mom who wanted to learn social media to get her business off the ground.

The biggest thing I discovered about my client's social media challenges was that her marketing message was all over the place. Before we delved into her LinkedIn and WordPress blog, we took some time talking about her ideal clients: What problems did they have and how she could solve them? Then we narrowed down the services she offered. "What?!" I hear you saying. "Won't that limit the her number of clients?" Actually the clearer she gets about the one type of client she serves and their biggest problem the easier she can market to that! I told her to jot down her ideal clients' demographics: age, sex, profession, how it felt to work with her ideal client. Who were her pay anything, do anything to get their problem fixed clients? Tell me their family dynamics and life story. The more you know this, the easier it is to market your products and services to the right people who will seek you out to work with you. Everyday you'll know what to say to these people because you've clearly defined your marketing message.

Delving deeper I soon learned she had not made article writing, social media status updates and blogging a part of her weekly business routine. The second stumbling block was my client didn't have a consistent marketing message with a strong service advantage. That echoes what I said earlier. She had trouble answering, "Why would your prospects do business with you instead of your competitors (who were currently getting much more business?" It didn't matter what social media she used if she didn't know what services. She needed an irresistible offer, a strong call to action or incentive to work with her. The alternative was to be like every other business professional in her industry and continue to chase after the dead end leads and prospects or "suspects" as David Sandler of the Sandler Sales Institute calls them. The good news is once she knew her target audience, she could start writing her social media comments, articles and blogs to that avatar or ideal client profile.

How do you pick your ideal client? Well in her case I asked my client to tell me what her big mission was. Why she got into her business in the first place. Was this a passion of hers? Who was it she helping? Her eyes lit up and she told me how she had struggled with the same problems her ideal clients faced during her divorce and she could identify with their struggle. "Good!" I told her. Update your website to include that story. It creates an instant bond.

Even though the two hours flew by and she had a hazy, overwhelmed look on her face as I ran to my next appointment, I have every confidence that once she takes time to focus on the needs and struggle of her idea clients she'll be able to overhear them in check out lines, business networking groups, online chats and forms, in google searches and much more and say, "Hi, I know exactly how to help you!"

HOMEWORK

Answer these questions:

Make a list of your best clients.

What are the common elements about them?

What is the biggest problem you help them solve?

Does your personal story match theirs before you discovered the service you now offer?

Maybe it should.:-)

In the spirit of giving...

grab your free downloadable

book template and writing/marketing check list.

I wish I had this before I started writing books and interviewing best selling authors.:-)

http://ping.fm/DumXe

-Ruth

Ruth Anne Wood works with best selling authors, Emmy award winning film makers and experts who help her create co-authored movies, books, plays, events using the passion and creativity of a group.

http://ping.fm/isysS

UNDERvaluing What You Offer? You May Be Losing Clients and Mo-ney

Years ago, there was a question in my intake packet for new clients titled, "What is holding you back or slowing your progress?" , as it related to attracting all the clients they needed and having a full practice. Having worked with hundreds and hundreds of clients over the years, I've seen it all. Other than "no knowledge of marketing," one thing seems to come up over and over again, and it happened again recently, with a brand new client.

The client answered this: "Sometimes, the 'Little Voice' inside me asks, 'Who needs my program anyway? This is basic information that I offer. People already know this stuff!'" This is so common, but in most every case, this is absolutely not accurate.

I have to admit, in the past, I too have taken for granted what I already know and teach everyday and started questioning my value in the marketplace. For example, when I was teaching holistic nutrition years ago, I sometimes wondered why people were paying me (or WOULD pay me) to teach them about whole foods versus processed foods. To me, it was a no-brainer that brown rice was more healthful than white. But to a person who grew up on Twinkies, it was crucial that I explain it to them in detail, and then the shortcuts to fitting in those brand new foods into their busy life.

I would also question the value of the cooking classes I gave once a month to 15 or 20 people crammed in my living room . As I was stirring carrots and onions on my Coleman grill in the middle of my tiny apartment, I couldn't help but think "Are these simple recipes REALLY of value to them?" (I'd been through serious Boot Camp at the French Culinary Institute, so this came naturally to me.) But they kept showing up, asking questions, and referring friends. Go figure!

Even in the early years of my business coaching practice, I sometimes wondered about my value . Clients asked me daily about the secrets of getting clients to call THEM and making a lot more mo-ney with smart marketing techniques and even smarter systems. For me, it was now ingrained and like second nature. I took for granted that I knew it, and because I'd been doing it for so long and knew that it worked, I thought everyone knew it too and that it was common sense.

On the contrary! What's common knowledge for us, is a secret to someone else. Because we "bathe" in our information all day long, and for years, we start taking for granted what we know. We forget what we know is actually a secret many others would do anything and everything to discover. It becomes the answer to their most pressing problem. It becomes the solution others have been praying for. And that's when they call us.

If you're in this situation, you are probably OVER-estimating what everybody else knows. The more common what you teach is to YOU and the longer you do what it is you do, the more you tend to undervalue what you know.

The irony here, as I've discovered, is that the more we teach things to our clients in SIMPLE terms, the happier they are , the more referrals we get and the more we make. It's not the convoluted teachings that people are looking for. It's the practical and simple solutions.

The real shame about the whole undervaluing what you know is that as a result, you may be undercharging for what you offer . This is actually one of the major reasons why most people don't have enough clients. Because they don't see value in what they offer, they don't charge enough, and there is therefore a low perception of value from the prospective client's point of view. They then go somewhere else for the same exact information. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Some entrepreneurs even go so far as discounting their services, or offering a sliding scale , because of their lack of confidence and low perception of value in what they offer. In my book, discounting is a BIG no-no. Again, it portrays a devalued product or service and it's NOT Client Attractive.

Your Client Attraction Assignment:

* Notice that your clients came to YOU for the information you take for granted. Sometimes, they may even have known some of what you know, but didn't have the discipline, accountability, resources or structure to do it on their own. Many of my clients KNOW how to attract other clients, they're already somewhat successful, but they don't have the discipline or accountability to do it consistently on their own. So we do it together. This is actually my favorite type of scenario, because these clients are very driven and since we're not starting from scratch in the learning process, we move at warp speed.

* Be confident in what you offer. Read your testimonials over and over until your confidence comes back.

* See yourself as their problem solver. Charge accordingly and never discount your services. Ever.

If you're not sure how much to charge or how to position your value in the marketplace , then it's time to take action and invest in a step-by-step marketing system that will feel easy and authentic to you. The Client Attraction Home Study System™ avoids all the unnecessary stuff and instead gives you the most important things to do to get out there in a big way, set up simple, solid systems, so you consistently fill your pipeline and continually get new clients. It's all step-by-step, not a big mishmash of things . So, you do step one of the system, and when you're done with that, you move on to step two, and so on. So easy. All the tools, scripts, templates, and examples are handed to you on a silver platter. You can get it at TheClientAttractionSystem.com .

© 2010 Client Attraction LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Line

Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine?


No problem! But here's what you MUST include:

Fabienne Fredrickson, The Client Attraction Mentor, is founder of the Client Attraction System TM , the proven step-by-step program that shows you exactly how to attract more clients, in record time...guaranteed. To get your F.R.E.E. Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly marketing & success mindset articles on attracting more high-paying clients and dramatically increasing your income, visit www.ClientAttraction.com/849801/.

Discover the "sweet spot" of Client Attraction with the secret of Marketing & Mindset. New [video] from Fabienne Fredrickson
http://ping.fm/5mO1K

I'm participating in my first give away event
(besides the amazon book launch I'm doing for
Dr. Judith Orloff Ph.D. on March 2nd.

Unfortunately today is the last day for the EZ-IM Giveaway event and I wanted to make sure you had your chance to get your share of over 400 free gifts.

Go here now:

http://ez-im.com/go/742

If you have not already taken advantage of it, do it now. Don't hold it for another day as the doors are closing in only a few hours.

It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that even if you do not have time to download all the gifts now, you must go and secure a spot so you can download the gifts at your convenience.

Even after the event has closed.

http://ez-im.com/go/742

Blessings,

Ruth

PS

Here's my product:

http://ping.fm/Nfm24

Let me know what you think by posting a comment.

Attract Money Now

HUSBAND: (whispers) Attract Money Now. (walking past wife) Put down the book and attract money now.

WIFE: Hey I'm doing pretty good I just attracted a check for $450 to pay the painter.

HUSBAND: I mean attract money from someone other than me.

WIFE: Hey, I'm not picky about the source.

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Fans of Joe Vitale, "Attract Money Now"

Happiness Study

WIFE: Ah I finally get how Joe Vitale went from homelessness to having fame and so many cars, fine guitars and things he publicly treasures.

HUSBAND: How?

WIFE: I'm reading his book Attract Money Now and Joe talks about there is more currency than just money. He's able get what he wants through barter, trade other than money, such as nice trips and boats. Then he uses his Hypnotic Marketing to boost his credibility, tie it all together and attract more.

HUSBAND: Here, read "How Happiness Happens" Marshall Goldsmith's article in New Week.

WIFE: Hum, Marshall says that when they interviewed 3,000 well educated people on short-term satisfaction, happiness and long term benefit and meaning that there was an incredibly high correlation between people experiencing happiness at work which led to happiness outside of work.

HUSBAND: Exactly. Happiness seems to be with more of who we are than what we do.

WIFE: (Choked up) That's why when I was going through a big transition and made my wish list of the life partner I wanted before I met you I put near the top that I wanted my partner to enjoy his vocation, rarely miss work due to illness and was great at communicating his needs and feelings, (reminiscent of a very different past relationship). If a person is unhappy at work s/he may feel like taking out frustration and punch something-

HUSBAND: Oh, Honey, I don't have those feelings at work... :-)

© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Fans of Happiness and Couples Who Can laugh at Yourselves