Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Another Comical Website
"A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.
There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"
Posted from Sunny Is Funny
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.
There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"
Posted from Sunny Is Funny
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
"Enjoy the jokes…
* If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer!
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem."
Written/ posted by James
Ruth Anne Wood ©2009 Scripting for Success
* If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer!
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem."
Written/ posted by James
Ruth Anne Wood ©2009 Scripting for Success
Friday, January 2, 2009
5 Tips For Creating Effective Marketing with Enlightened Comedy
1. Observe something funny about your industry.
2. Record your experience of noted industry practices by sharing how it makes you feel.
3. Notice other enlightened observations about your competitions' business and comment on their blog or website to drive traffic to you site.
4. Invent an off the wall pie in the sky solution to your clients' biggest problems and roll it out as a product or service and notice what happens...
5. Quote your favorite comedians.
BONUS ROUND
6. To spice up your marketing ask yourself, "What would (insert one of your favorite enlightened comedian's name) do?
7. Go to The Onion for comical reporting of half made up news for inspiration.
Written for Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood ©
2. Record your experience of noted industry practices by sharing how it makes you feel.
3. Notice other enlightened observations about your competitions' business and comment on their blog or website to drive traffic to you site.
4. Invent an off the wall pie in the sky solution to your clients' biggest problems and roll it out as a product or service and notice what happens...
5. Quote your favorite comedians.
BONUS ROUND
6. To spice up your marketing ask yourself, "What would (insert one of your favorite enlightened comedian's name) do?
7. Go to The Onion for comical reporting of half made up news for inspiration.
Written for Enlightened Marketers
Ruth Anne Wood ©
Friday, November 21, 2008
I'm Not A Comedian But I tell Jokes In Real Life
For years I had secretly imagined myself writing bits for mostly male comics and gravitated to Robin William, Seinfeld, Steve Martin, Jay Leno, Steven Colbert, George Carlin, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and Dinnis Miller. I'm almost embarassed to say my worst inner critic distinctly sounds like Jim Carrey.
My earlier comical female influences included Goldie Hawn, Woopie Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Bette Midler and just in general my all time favorite lady, Meryl Streep. I loved the way these people boldly framed the world through their distinct perspective.
Recently, I had a wake up call to the new generation of comics who had slipped my radar since dare I say, my husband and I unplugged our TV over a year ago. Hey that's what You Tube is for, right? While writing the opening scene for my screenplay "Five Rites" (where the leading lady gives a light hearted speech to her family the day she introduces her fiancé) I began researching female comics. A whole new world of humor and style opened up for me.
Over the last three years my own comic voice has come through as I've actively taken the funny , insightful moments in my life and jotted them down in a sketch comedy format. Lately my husband has been encouraging me to "put it in the joke file"
Then it dawned on me, I am writing for my favorite comics as I went back and wrote in their voice I heard in my head. Now that's comedy. So I'm starting a movement to maintain or restore sanity. It's called write your story down and then assign a comedian who would be great at telling your story as if it were their own.
My earlier comical female influences included Goldie Hawn, Woopie Goldberg, Lily Tomlin, Bette Midler and just in general my all time favorite lady, Meryl Streep. I loved the way these people boldly framed the world through their distinct perspective.
Recently, I had a wake up call to the new generation of comics who had slipped my radar since dare I say, my husband and I unplugged our TV over a year ago. Hey that's what You Tube is for, right? While writing the opening scene for my screenplay "Five Rites" (where the leading lady gives a light hearted speech to her family the day she introduces her fiancé) I began researching female comics. A whole new world of humor and style opened up for me.
Over the last three years my own comic voice has come through as I've actively taken the funny , insightful moments in my life and jotted them down in a sketch comedy format. Lately my husband has been encouraging me to "put it in the joke file"
Then it dawned on me, I am writing for my favorite comics as I went back and wrote in their voice I heard in my head. Now that's comedy. So I'm starting a movement to maintain or restore sanity. It's called write your story down and then assign a comedian who would be great at telling your story as if it were their own.
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