TODAY'S SKIT: Writing Assignment

WIFE: We were asked to submit 3-5 sentences of advice to a book for newly weds. You write the suggestions for the new husbands and I’m requested to write my marriage perspective for the new wives. Only our first name and last initial will appear in the book.

HUSBAND: Ugg, I don’t know.

WIFE: I’ll even type it for you. (theatrical voice change) Hey where are you going? errrrrrr (squealing tires)

HUSBAND: Ok. Here it goes…
Now that you are over the initial shock that you are married, buy a dozen roses, hunker down and enjoy the ride. But seriously, I like having a nice, sexy woman to cuddle with me. I like having someone supportive to share ideas. I like joking and having fun. I like cooking together. Savor every moment (Oh I’m just saying that because I’m eating her pumpkin pie.) Now is the time tell her deep dark secrets like the person you really wanted to marry… well maybe not that secret but you’ll feel much better after you come clean on at least the smaller stuff. Yum.

WIFE: Great comedy, really. Do you want to revise anything before I hit send?

HUSBAND: Uhm… It’s advice for new husbands so change the “I” statements to “you”.

WIFE: Alright. Let’s do it. (Typing) Now that you are over the initial shock that you are married, buy a dozen roses, hunker down and enjoy the ride. But seriously, enjoy having a beautiful mate to cuddle with, (no matter how many beers that may require)

WIFE: What?!?

HUSBAND: Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a beautiful, sexy wife.

WIFE: Aw.

HUSBAND: Take advantage of having someone supportive to share ideas. Cooking together is a great activity to do together. Savor every moment. Now is the time tell her deep dark secrets like the person you really wanted to marry… Well, maybe not that secret but you’ll feel much better after you come clean on at least the smaller stuff. Yum.

(10 minutes later)

WIFE: Alright, are you listening? (Silence)
-Save sentimental gifts, such as a rock you picked up on your romantic walks together.
-Pick out fun post cards and mail them to each other on one of your local outings or on vacations.
-Keep a joke journal or file on your computer to capture some of the funny moments in your marriage.
-Read them out loud from time to time for a way to relieve stress and have a good laugh.
-Stay in the habit of leaving loving and flirty messages on his phone.
-Save his for a couple days for a great pick me up and to fan the flames of passion while you’re apart.
-Be really clear about your needs and share them right away instead of waiting until you burst.
-Make plans with other couples who have the kind of marriage you adore as you bask in your bright future together.

HUSBAND: Awe, awe (in a chirping cadence)

(Email) WIFE: Hi Michele, We (I mean my husband got a little silly when he dictated what to type. Feel free to cut out the beginning or leave it in. Your choice. (See attached) Thanks.

(Email) EDITOR: You’re husband’s input is fine... I like the funny ones too. My brother-in-law's was, "Never go to bed angry... the longest I've ever been awake is 5 days." :-) I may condense them a little or use more than one on different pages if that is ok. Thank you so much... we'll be in touch!

©2008 Scripting for Success
Written for XM Comedy,-Satellite Radio