It almost breaks your heart. Sponsor a poor Executive Today.
© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
A link for people who miss sponsoring needy children
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
What's for breakfast?
My husband was happy to share his yogurt with me this morning because he wanted me to be more cultured.
He has been watching in amazement for a week as I've pureed a large bowl of salad ingredients; green peppers, red leaf lettuce, spinach, cabbage, cilantro and added braggs amino acids, olive oil, toasted almond oil and rice wine vinegar into a water green pulp and eating it for breakfast.
I noticed my eye sight was getting progressively more blurry from sitting in front of the computer for hours since I committed to cranking out my screen play, "Five Rites". Also my addiction for sugar was nearly impossible to kick, having a couple cups of hot chocolate or chai tea a day in the winter and devouring a box of cereal and granola bars within 48 hours of it being shelved in the pantry had become the norm.
What inspired this sudden change from milk and cereal or eggs and bacon? First I was finally talked into going to a multi level marketing green drink demonstration where they showed the acidic pH of foods such as colas, cereal, coffees and refined sugar.
Jason went out and bought The pH Miracle for Diabetes which was very telling the foods we eat we're not helping his childhood diabetes. Also I was writing about my main screenplay character, Sophie Peterson getting younger and younger doing five rites yoga and eliminating sugar and processed foods and for awhile was unwilling to do the physical research for my story.
No wonder I was going blind and having big time mood swings! However I wasn't interested in spending $200 for the distributor starter kit -- just yet. Why not see if eating salad for breakfast instead of buying green powder that would sit on the shelf for years would actually make a difference. It actually has. For a couple days I got off of sugar and ate my salad and the tissue around my eyes are feeling less stressed. PMS hasn't hit me like in previous months. I haven't had to pull out a gray hair on my head this week. Yesterday when I went to Perkins and had the Everything Omelet and the toasted blueberry muffin how much my body was visibility rebelling. My tongue actually swelled up and developed a nice white mossy coat which we know from Oriental Medicine is rebellious chi and too much heat in the body from poor digestion.
The Enlightened Comedy is the trial and error experienced of any diet or new habit.
© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written for people who enjoy self induced suffering... try a new diet!
He has been watching in amazement for a week as I've pureed a large bowl of salad ingredients; green peppers, red leaf lettuce, spinach, cabbage, cilantro and added braggs amino acids, olive oil, toasted almond oil and rice wine vinegar into a water green pulp and eating it for breakfast.
I noticed my eye sight was getting progressively more blurry from sitting in front of the computer for hours since I committed to cranking out my screen play, "Five Rites". Also my addiction for sugar was nearly impossible to kick, having a couple cups of hot chocolate or chai tea a day in the winter and devouring a box of cereal and granola bars within 48 hours of it being shelved in the pantry had become the norm.
What inspired this sudden change from milk and cereal or eggs and bacon? First I was finally talked into going to a multi level marketing green drink demonstration where they showed the acidic pH of foods such as colas, cereal, coffees and refined sugar.
Jason went out and bought The pH Miracle for Diabetes which was very telling the foods we eat we're not helping his childhood diabetes. Also I was writing about my main screenplay character, Sophie Peterson getting younger and younger doing five rites yoga and eliminating sugar and processed foods and for awhile was unwilling to do the physical research for my story.
No wonder I was going blind and having big time mood swings! However I wasn't interested in spending $200 for the distributor starter kit -- just yet. Why not see if eating salad for breakfast instead of buying green powder that would sit on the shelf for years would actually make a difference. It actually has. For a couple days I got off of sugar and ate my salad and the tissue around my eyes are feeling less stressed. PMS hasn't hit me like in previous months. I haven't had to pull out a gray hair on my head this week. Yesterday when I went to Perkins and had the Everything Omelet and the toasted blueberry muffin how much my body was visibility rebelling. My tongue actually swelled up and developed a nice white mossy coat which we know from Oriental Medicine is rebellious chi and too much heat in the body from poor digestion.
The Enlightened Comedy is the trial and error experienced of any diet or new habit.
© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written for people who enjoy self induced suffering... try a new diet!
Monday, March 30, 2009
I Say Both
Star Gazer you look so far into the heavens that it loops back around to the celestial body within. What do you ponder about when you raise you head to the sky? Do you feel the movement of this heavenly body racing through space? Does it conjure up memories or longings to be connected to something afar or even nearer and dearer to you essence? What is the essence of star dust? Are you made up of the same elements? Could these molecules of star dust be spinning in orbit just as fast within you? Is it really about knowing the answers or having a conversation that increases the intensity of star light radiating within?
My earliest memories of space and time travel began when I was four. I saw Star Wars, E.T. and the Dark Crystal and Star Trek all around the same time before I went to elementary school. I wanted to be the first kid in space and even more intensely a story teller that could bring these distant worlds closer my own. Born in 1975 George Lucas fed me with the ideal questions this inquiring four year old wanted to know. Did it answer the question where was my identical twin sister after she passed just before we turned two? No. Did it carve out a clear direction of what treasures to collect on my visit to earth or what to offer the earthlings during my stay? No. But it did answer a more reassuring question... was I alright being me? Yes. And did my sister travel on or did her journey end here? Thomas it's been my experience that the forces of odds and harmony co-exist in the same universe. It's about perception within the star mass and gazer. There is also an interesting harmony in the odd. Note the symmetry of five daisy pedals. All in all it's the sea of time, perception and emotions that govern the human experience that shift on the lighting, chemical interactions and stories in play.
© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written in response to my friend Thomas N. Padikal, Ph.D.
who inquirers "At Odds? Or in Harmony?"
My earliest memories of space and time travel began when I was four. I saw Star Wars, E.T. and the Dark Crystal and Star Trek all around the same time before I went to elementary school. I wanted to be the first kid in space and even more intensely a story teller that could bring these distant worlds closer my own. Born in 1975 George Lucas fed me with the ideal questions this inquiring four year old wanted to know. Did it answer the question where was my identical twin sister after she passed just before we turned two? No. Did it carve out a clear direction of what treasures to collect on my visit to earth or what to offer the earthlings during my stay? No. But it did answer a more reassuring question... was I alright being me? Yes. And did my sister travel on or did her journey end here? Thomas it's been my experience that the forces of odds and harmony co-exist in the same universe. It's about perception within the star mass and gazer. There is also an interesting harmony in the odd. Note the symmetry of five daisy pedals. All in all it's the sea of time, perception and emotions that govern the human experience that shift on the lighting, chemical interactions and stories in play.
© 2009 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
Written in response to my friend Thomas N. Padikal, Ph.D.
who inquirers "At Odds? Or in Harmony?"
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Circumcision
My sister-in-law's boyfriend is passionate about one thing on facebook Friday night, "Rushing to go to DC this weekend for the Demonstration/March Against Infant Circumcision!"
What did the mohel say to the nervous relatives at a brisk? "Relax it's as easy as taking candy from a baby!"
Written for people who find traditions sacred and repelling.
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
What did the mohel say to the nervous relatives at a brisk? "Relax it's as easy as taking candy from a baby!"
Written for people who find traditions sacred and repelling.
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
"Enjoy the jokes…
* If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer!
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem."
Written/ posted by James
Ruth Anne Wood ©2009 Scripting for Success
* If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
* For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer!
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
* You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. if it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem."
Written/ posted by James
Ruth Anne Wood ©2009 Scripting for Success
Monday, March 16, 2009
Do You Support Ciggargation?
(CHAPELLE and KIM walk through a bar to a restaurant.)
KIM: I want to sit in the non- smoking section for dinner.
CHAPELLE: Hey, when did they put up these walls?
KIM: It’s the new state law. They want to keep the non-smokers who are eating happy.
CHAPELLE: We’ll you know what I think this is, segregation all over again!
KIM: It’s not so bad, the smokers choose to self segregate when they want a cigarette.
CHAPELLE: (Smugly) Just light a cigarette and your lungs get to be BLACK when ever you want.
KIM: Hey, what’s that that song the “Ciggers” are playing on the juke box?
CHAPELLE: Come on, let go check it out.
(CHAPELLE and KIM walk back to the bar and CHAPELLE lights a lady's cigarette with the lit one in his mouth.)
(We see Jim Crow with a Camel logo on the screen.)
...
CHAPELLE: I’m a Cigger, but now I'm giving it up to the Blaine Greenfield Smoking Strike.
Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2008-2009 Scripting for Success
Have an event, issue, product or funny story you want to share? Email it to: ruth@enlightendjokes.com
KIM: I want to sit in the non- smoking section for dinner.
CHAPELLE: Hey, when did they put up these walls?
KIM: It’s the new state law. They want to keep the non-smokers who are eating happy.
CHAPELLE: We’ll you know what I think this is, segregation all over again!
KIM: It’s not so bad, the smokers choose to self segregate when they want a cigarette.
CHAPELLE: (Smugly) Just light a cigarette and your lungs get to be BLACK when ever you want.
KIM: Hey, what’s that that song the “Ciggers” are playing on the juke box?
CHAPELLE: Come on, let go check it out.
(CHAPELLE and KIM walk back to the bar and CHAPELLE lights a lady's cigarette with the lit one in his mouth.)
(We see Jim Crow with a Camel logo on the screen.)
...
CHAPELLE: I’m a Cigger, but now I'm giving it up to the Blaine Greenfield Smoking Strike.
Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2008-2009 Scripting for Success
Have an event, issue, product or funny story you want to share? Email it to: ruth@enlightendjokes.com
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Comedy Weekend
We thoroughly enjoyed Jay McPhillips' work and open house at Zen is Art Gallery at 35 north Union, Lambertville, PA so much so that my husband Jason came home with a hilarious Jay Phillips original to hang in his office. It's a pen and ink of a loosely drawn giant water tower next to a small house with a real estate listing that has you rolling around on the floor laughing. He took the least attractive feature and capitalized on it as a buyer selling point! Jay's a Class Act.
I told Jay my idea I had a couple days ago for an art piece which he enthusiastically took to heart with much visual input from our friends... I look forward to his artistic renderings of a "Tryathon", It's like a triathlon with the endurance sports event consisting of running, biking, and swimming over various distances yet the participants fall just short of their goal of crossing the finish line. Maybe that's why Yoda says "There is no try, only do"
It was a nice warm up to the first meeting of The Philadelphia Sketch Comedy Writing Meetup Group. I had a blast meeting other comedy writers and having the beginnings of a sketch comedy project with various story lines started. The plan is to collaborate online using google docs and film our best ideas in the next month or so for a youtube production. Fun Stuff. I told them about EnlightenedJoke.com including my definition of an Enlightened Comic (someone that shares personal feelings and experiences and avoids judgment or criticism of others) and they looked a me with disbelief as if I just said I discovered anti-gravity or said there was still a chance for "W" to go down as the best US President in history. Enlightened Comedy isn't for everyone. I agree it's an acquired taste. :-)
Written for Philly Comedy Fans
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
I told Jay my idea I had a couple days ago for an art piece which he enthusiastically took to heart with much visual input from our friends... I look forward to his artistic renderings of a "Tryathon", It's like a triathlon with the endurance sports event consisting of running, biking, and swimming over various distances yet the participants fall just short of their goal of crossing the finish line. Maybe that's why Yoda says "There is no try, only do"
It was a nice warm up to the first meeting of The Philadelphia Sketch Comedy Writing Meetup Group. I had a blast meeting other comedy writers and having the beginnings of a sketch comedy project with various story lines started. The plan is to collaborate online using google docs and film our best ideas in the next month or so for a youtube production. Fun Stuff. I told them about EnlightenedJoke.com including my definition of an Enlightened Comic (someone that shares personal feelings and experiences and avoids judgment or criticism of others) and they looked a me with disbelief as if I just said I discovered anti-gravity or said there was still a chance for "W" to go down as the best US President in history. Enlightened Comedy isn't for everyone. I agree it's an acquired taste. :-)
Written for Philly Comedy Fans
Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
Monday, March 9, 2009
Internet Marketing Specialists Who Are Too Special
It's great that Internet Marketing Specialists are looking out for my best interest. Here's a solicitation I received recently about helping my SEO ranking for of all things, "truck parts":
"Hello, my name is Jason Miller and I am an internet marketing specialist. I was looking at websites under the keyword Truck Parts and came across your website http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com. I see that you're not ranked on
the first page of Google for a Truck Parts search."
Actually the purpose of my site is to serve the 673,000 people searching for "jokes" 450,000 searches for "comedy" and 2,745,000 searches on "funny" every month. This email helps fill that need. He goes on to say:
"I'm not sure if you're aware of why you're ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is. There's no reason you can't have a top three ranking for the keyword Truck Parts based on your site structure and content. You have a very nice site. You need significantly more one way anchor text backlinks. If you're interested I can help you with this..."
Thanks to my husband's Philadelphia based IT company who gives helpful SEO tips on 365webapplications.com and other web solutions we have helped improve SEO for keywords that are actually relevant to the site theme and expertise. :)
"I'm talking about getting you ranked for ALL your keywords. Adding new backlinks on a steady and consistent basis from high PR quality websites is what produces the rankings you are looking for http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com.
The right kind of links are very critical in getting top ranking....and I can hand deliver these quality links to you."
I'm all for Internet Marketing Specialists who know their stuff and also use common sense in speaking to the needs of prospects. Maybe there is a connection between truck parts and funny, yet It's my path to serve the 2,745,000 searching for "funny" instead of the 49,500 searching for "truck parts". Thanks Jason Miller, but you're no Jason Wood.
"Hello, my name is Jason Miller and I am an internet marketing specialist. I was looking at websites under the keyword Truck Parts and came across your website http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com. I see that you're not ranked on
the first page of Google for a Truck Parts search."
Actually the purpose of my site is to serve the 673,000 people searching for "jokes" 450,000 searches for "comedy" and 2,745,000 searches on "funny" every month. This email helps fill that need. He goes on to say:
"I'm not sure if you're aware of why you're ranked this low but more importantly how easily correctable this is. There's no reason you can't have a top three ranking for the keyword Truck Parts based on your site structure and content. You have a very nice site. You need significantly more one way anchor text backlinks. If you're interested I can help you with this..."
Thanks to my husband's Philadelphia based IT company who gives helpful SEO tips on 365webapplications.com and other web solutions we have helped improve SEO for keywords that are actually relevant to the site theme and expertise. :)
"I'm talking about getting you ranked for ALL your keywords. Adding new backlinks on a steady and consistent basis from high PR quality websites is what produces the rankings you are looking for http://write-funny-jokes-for-comedians.blogspot.com.
The right kind of links are very critical in getting top ranking....and I can hand deliver these quality links to you."
I'm all for Internet Marketing Specialists who know their stuff and also use common sense in speaking to the needs of prospects. Maybe there is a connection between truck parts and funny, yet It's my path to serve the 2,745,000 searching for "funny" instead of the 49,500 searching for "truck parts". Thanks Jason Miller, but you're no Jason Wood.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Visual Humor is Making a Coming Back
There is an artist named Jay McPhillips. In addition to classical style portraits he has a whole collection of visual humor. You can read more about him on Mark Talaba's blog. During a conversation Mark, Jay and I had at the local coffee shop, Mark made that common statement people who associate with your parent's generation say, "You probably don't remember but Jay's humorous t-shirts remind me of Burma Shave." As you are driving down the road you see a line of the ad and then you drive some more and read the next line. Here are two I like:
Burma-Shave
Was such a boom
They passed
The bride
And kissed the groom
To kiss
A mug
That's like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave
Jay McPhillips
work will be on display
during the art opening
35 north Union, Lambertville, PA
Come to the
Art Is Zen Gallery
6pm March 14, 2009.
Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
For lovers of humorous advertising
Burma-Shave
Was such a boom
They passed
The bride
And kissed the groom
To kiss
A mug
That's like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave
Jay McPhillips
work will be on display
during the art opening
35 north Union, Lambertville, PA
Come to the
Art Is Zen Gallery
6pm March 14, 2009.
Written by Ruth Anne Wood © 2009 Scripting for Success
For lovers of humorous advertising
Monday, March 2, 2009
Now Event Planners Laugh with Joy Selling Tickets
So how do you know what online tools will do a great job selling tickets for your comedy jam, company roast or city wide Fringe Festival?
Here are...
3 Smokn’ Tips for Savvy Event Organizers
to Use When Selling Tickets for Your Event
But you don’t have to take my word for it…
1. Easy- Use “a platform that democratizes the ticket selling process and makes it easy for event organizers to handle online ticketing and promote their event.” –Guy Kawasaki
2. Cost Effective- Save with a service that is “transaction-based which means it costs nothing to get started and organizers can pass the fees ($2/ticket + processing) on to the ticket buyer.” –Guy Kawasaki
3. Sustainable- Work with a company that tech investors are willing to invest $2 Million because of the “combination of a large underserved market, a strong business plan to meet that need, and the core management and technology in place to properly execute," -Michael Aronson, Managing Director of MentorTech.
What company has all three and a easy to use ticket system in place to manage your next event?... Take the leap that makes sense and plan your next event with ease, flexible pricing that makes "cents". To learn more, click on through to the other side.
-----------------------------------------------
Ruth Anne Wood is a contributing writer for 365webapps.com, and co-author of You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! She helps companies put together clear, effective marketing messages via various writing and communication techniques and uses the latest social networking and PR communities to deliver her client's message. She can be reached today in her cozy snowed in Doylestown, PA abode at 215-872-5035 or ruth@ruthannewood.com finishing up her screenplay for her script manager in LA.
Here are...
3 Smokn’ Tips for Savvy Event Organizers
to Use When Selling Tickets for Your Event
But you don’t have to take my word for it…
1. Easy- Use “a platform that democratizes the ticket selling process and makes it easy for event organizers to handle online ticketing and promote their event.” –Guy Kawasaki
2. Cost Effective- Save with a service that is “transaction-based which means it costs nothing to get started and organizers can pass the fees ($2/ticket + processing) on to the ticket buyer.” –Guy Kawasaki
3. Sustainable- Work with a company that tech investors are willing to invest $2 Million because of the “combination of a large underserved market, a strong business plan to meet that need, and the core management and technology in place to properly execute," -Michael Aronson, Managing Director of MentorTech.
What company has all three and a easy to use ticket system in place to manage your next event?... Take the leap that makes sense and plan your next event with ease, flexible pricing that makes "cents". To learn more, click on through to the other side.
-----------------------------------------------
Ruth Anne Wood is a contributing writer for 365webapps.com, and co-author of You Can't Get It 'Cause You've Already Got It! She helps companies put together clear, effective marketing messages via various writing and communication techniques and uses the latest social networking and PR communities to deliver her client's message. She can be reached today in her cozy snowed in Doylestown, PA abode at 215-872-5035 or ruth@ruthannewood.com finishing up her screenplay for her script manager in LA.
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