On your birthday this month, I thought you'd get a kick out of the item
below--and hope that you get to enjoy your special day!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Birthday song for you
To commemorate her 69th birthday, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews
made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie, THE SOUND
OF MUSIC.
However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her audience. Here are the lyrics she recited:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, open back "dresses,"
Polident, Fi xodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
It's then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.
THE RESPONSE:
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes, and she also was asked for and gave repeated encores.
MY TWO CENTS:
I imagine that the above did not take place for a few minutes; i.e., until
all had a chance to rise from their seats. (After you reach a certain age,
it does take longer to stand up after sitting.)
***** PLEASE NOTE *****
Above was originally run in BLAINESWORLD, my weekly newsletter . . . if you're not getting it and want to be added to FREE mailing list, send an email to bginbc@aol.com and put SUBSCRIPTION in subject line . . . you'll get similar messages, jokes, websites, reviews, etc. . . . new readers are always welcome, so also feel free to mention this missive to your friends.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Favorite Enlightened Jokes Posts
Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?
Toilet Paper Advertising
Attract Money Now
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Elevator Speech
Turkey Chuckle
Meteor Shower On Facebook
New Parents
What are the six steps to radio humor?
My Neighbor The Seg Juggler
World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ
Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (Toto)
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short
Got Monday Morning Cartoons?
A Bloody Good Skit
Switching Media Message Made All the Difference
Mark and Jesse's audience
Circumcision
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
Do You Support Ciggargation?
Visiual Humor Is Making A Comeback Jay took the really brilliantly funny stuff off his site and put in Staff Pick
Political Cross Roads
Personal Ad
When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia
Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?
Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?
Toilet Paper Advertising
Attract Money Now
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Elevator Speech
Turkey Chuckle
Meteor Shower On Facebook
New Parents
What are the six steps to radio humor?
My Neighbor The Seg Juggler
World-Class Blind Figure Skater Skates to MJ
Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (Toto)
Young Hot and Sexy Charitible Giving
Steve Martin's Oscar Winning Short
Got Monday Morning Cartoons?
A Bloody Good Skit
Switching Media Message Made All the Difference
Mark and Jesse's audience
Circumcision
"Simply Amazing Home Remedies"
Do You Support Ciggargation?
Visiual Humor Is Making A Comeback Jay took the really brilliantly funny stuff off his site and put in Staff Pick
Political Cross Roads
Personal Ad
When just any flower won't do, say it with a Rafflesia
Are your friends spamming you on your birthday?
Is The Carrot Mightier Than The Sword?
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The Pudding Guy
Posted in Oddities by Greg Ross on February 22nd, 2010
In 1999, UC-Davis civil engineer David Phillips was grocery shopping when he noticed something peculiar. Healthy Choice Foods was offering frequent-flyer miles to customers who bought its products. But a 25-cent pudding would bring 100 miles — the reward was worth more than the product itself.
Recognizing a good thing, Phillips bought 12,150 servings of pudding for $3,140, claiming he was stocking up for Y2K. Then he enlisted the Salvation Army to help him peel off the UPC codes, in exchange for donating the pudding.
He mailed his submission to Healthy Choice, and to their credit they awarded him 1.25 million frequent-flyer miles, enough for 31 round trips to Europe, 42 to Hawaii, 21 to Australia, or 50 anywhere in the United States.
There’s no downside. Phillips also got Aadvantage Gold status for life with American Airlines, which brings a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades, and bonus miles. And he got an $815 tax writeoff for donating the pudding.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For travelers who add to the humor of travel
In 1999, UC-Davis civil engineer David Phillips was grocery shopping when he noticed something peculiar. Healthy Choice Foods was offering frequent-flyer miles to customers who bought its products. But a 25-cent pudding would bring 100 miles — the reward was worth more than the product itself.
Recognizing a good thing, Phillips bought 12,150 servings of pudding for $3,140, claiming he was stocking up for Y2K. Then he enlisted the Salvation Army to help him peel off the UPC codes, in exchange for donating the pudding.
He mailed his submission to Healthy Choice, and to their credit they awarded him 1.25 million frequent-flyer miles, enough for 31 round trips to Europe, 42 to Hawaii, 21 to Australia, or 50 anywhere in the United States.
There’s no downside. Phillips also got Aadvantage Gold status for life with American Airlines, which brings a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades, and bonus miles. And he got an $815 tax writeoff for donating the pudding.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For travelers who add to the humor of travel
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Spell it Right
For someone who writes so much, I'm embarrassed that my spelling is so atrocious.
You'd think the birthday cards my grandmother sent back to me in my childhood with red "sp" marks through the letters would spur me to practice my spelling.
The problem is when I started to care I got a thing called Spell Check on my computer.
You give it your best shot, type out the word, see that something is misspelled and right click on the word and it automatically gives you alternative spelling options to the one you've chosen. It becomes so automatic that I stop thinking about learning the new spelling and using it in a sentence.
It's kind of annoying that the words I've always known how to spell are suddenly wrong... according to my email spell checker.
My favorite word is now f-a-v-o-u-r-i-t-e now that my browser is on the British setting.
And my neighbors live much further away now that I spell them n-e-i-g-h-b-o-u-r-s.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Writers Who Need Help Spelling
You'd think the birthday cards my grandmother sent back to me in my childhood with red "sp" marks through the letters would spur me to practice my spelling.
The problem is when I started to care I got a thing called Spell Check on my computer.
You give it your best shot, type out the word, see that something is misspelled and right click on the word and it automatically gives you alternative spelling options to the one you've chosen. It becomes so automatic that I stop thinking about learning the new spelling and using it in a sentence.
It's kind of annoying that the words I've always known how to spell are suddenly wrong... according to my email spell checker.
My favorite word is now f-a-v-o-u-r-i-t-e now that my browser is on the British setting.
And my neighbors live much further away now that I spell them n-e-i-g-h-b-o-u-r-s.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For Writers Who Need Help Spelling
Is 8 out of 9 the new standard?
WIFE: How was your day?
HUSBAND: Pretty good. I give it an 8 out of 9.
WIFE: People have a five star rating or 10/10 days where did you come up with 8/9?
HUSBAND: I had 9 things on my to do list and only got 8 accomplished.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For people who want to improve life's rating system
HUSBAND: Pretty good. I give it an 8 out of 9.
WIFE: People have a five star rating or 10/10 days where did you come up with 8/9?
HUSBAND: I had 9 things on my to do list and only got 8 accomplished.
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For people who want to improve life's rating system
Toilet Paper Advertising
WIFE: Wow! Gimp illustrator on Linux even has toilet paper as a print size.
HUSBAND: What do you mean?
WIFE: There is US standard, legal, floppy disk and toilet paper.
HUSBAND: Ha! Someone had a sense of humor.
WIFE: What if someone printed a 1000 rolls of toilet paper with their company information for next week's convention? People would think about their company for at least a week!
HUSBAND: That depend on how shitty of a week they had!
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For creative marketers
HUSBAND: What do you mean?
WIFE: There is US standard, legal, floppy disk and toilet paper.
HUSBAND: Ha! Someone had a sense of humor.
WIFE: What if someone printed a 1000 rolls of toilet paper with their company information for next week's convention? People would think about their company for at least a week!
HUSBAND: That depend on how shitty of a week they had!
© 2010 Scripting for Success Ruth Anne Wood
For creative marketers
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Know Your Market Before You Waste Time in Social Media
I recently met with a client that wanted me to teach her how to use facebook, twitter, linkedin and wordpress in two hours. I usually don't do house calls since I work with most of my clients over the phone and mainly in interactive coaching groups. With our laptops open on the kitchen table, I knew right away I had my work cut out for me with my client's daughter just feet away on the living room couch loudly playing on the playstation and her teenage son also home on holiday gabbing non stop on the phone.
My IT business owner husband who gives talks at the local Chamber of Commerce and professional groups usually on one social network platform per talk was amazed I took on the challenge of addressing multiple platforms in a two hour visit. "I know," I sighed. it was for a single mom who wanted to learn social media to get her business off the ground.
The biggest thing I discovered about my client's social media challenges was that her marketing message was all over the place. Before we delved into her LinkedIn and WordPress blog, we took some time talking about her ideal clients: What problems did they have and how she could solve them? Then we narrowed down the services she offered. "What?!" I hear you saying. "Won't that limit the her number of clients?" Actually the clearer she gets about the one type of client she serves and their biggest problem the easier she can market to that! I told her to jot down her ideal clients' demographics: age, sex, profession, how it felt to work with her ideal client. Who were her pay anything, do anything to get their problem fixed clients? Tell me their family dynamics and life story. The more you know this, the easier it is to market your products and services to the right people who will seek you out to work with you. Everyday you'll know what to say to these people because you've clearly defined your marketing message.
Delving deeper I soon learned she had not made article writing, social media status updates and blogging a part of her weekly business routine. The second stumbling block was my client didn't have a consistent marketing message with a strong service advantage. That echoes what I said earlier. She had trouble answering, "Why would your prospects do business with you instead of your competitors (who were currently getting much more business?" It didn't matter what social media she used if she didn't know what services. She needed an irresistible offer, a strong call to action or incentive to work with her. The alternative was to be like every other business professional in her industry and continue to chase after the dead end leads and prospects or "suspects" as David Sandler of the Sandler Sales Institute calls them. The good news is once she knew her target audience, she could start writing her social media comments, articles and blogs to that avatar or ideal client profile.
How do you pick your ideal client? Well in her case I asked my client to tell me what her big mission was. Why she got into her business in the first place. Was this a passion of hers? Who was it she helping? Her eyes lit up and she told me how she had struggled with the same problems her ideal clients faced during her divorce and she could identify with their struggle. "Good!" I told her. Update your website to include that story. It creates an instant bond.
Even though the two hours flew by and she had a hazy, overwhelmed look on her face as I ran to my next appointment, I have every confidence that once she takes time to focus on the needs and struggle of her idea clients she'll be able to overhear them in check out lines, business networking groups, online chats and forms, in google searches and much more and say, "Hi, I know exactly how to help you!"
HOMEWORK
Answer these questions:
Make a list of your best clients.
What are the common elements about them?
What is the biggest problem you help them solve?
Does your personal story match theirs before you discovered the service you now offer?
Maybe it should.:-)
In the spirit of giving...
grab your free downloadable
book template and writing/marketing check list.
I wish I had this before I started writing books and interviewing best selling authors.:-)
http://ping.fm/DumXe
-Ruth
Ruth Anne Wood works with best selling authors, Emmy award winning film makers and experts who help her create co-authored movies, books, plays, events using the passion and creativity of a group.
http://ping.fm/isysS
My IT business owner husband who gives talks at the local Chamber of Commerce and professional groups usually on one social network platform per talk was amazed I took on the challenge of addressing multiple platforms in a two hour visit. "I know," I sighed. it was for a single mom who wanted to learn social media to get her business off the ground.
The biggest thing I discovered about my client's social media challenges was that her marketing message was all over the place. Before we delved into her LinkedIn and WordPress blog, we took some time talking about her ideal clients: What problems did they have and how she could solve them? Then we narrowed down the services she offered. "What?!" I hear you saying. "Won't that limit the her number of clients?" Actually the clearer she gets about the one type of client she serves and their biggest problem the easier she can market to that! I told her to jot down her ideal clients' demographics: age, sex, profession, how it felt to work with her ideal client. Who were her pay anything, do anything to get their problem fixed clients? Tell me their family dynamics and life story. The more you know this, the easier it is to market your products and services to the right people who will seek you out to work with you. Everyday you'll know what to say to these people because you've clearly defined your marketing message.
Delving deeper I soon learned she had not made article writing, social media status updates and blogging a part of her weekly business routine. The second stumbling block was my client didn't have a consistent marketing message with a strong service advantage. That echoes what I said earlier. She had trouble answering, "Why would your prospects do business with you instead of your competitors (who were currently getting much more business?" It didn't matter what social media she used if she didn't know what services. She needed an irresistible offer, a strong call to action or incentive to work with her. The alternative was to be like every other business professional in her industry and continue to chase after the dead end leads and prospects or "suspects" as David Sandler of the Sandler Sales Institute calls them. The good news is once she knew her target audience, she could start writing her social media comments, articles and blogs to that avatar or ideal client profile.
How do you pick your ideal client? Well in her case I asked my client to tell me what her big mission was. Why she got into her business in the first place. Was this a passion of hers? Who was it she helping? Her eyes lit up and she told me how she had struggled with the same problems her ideal clients faced during her divorce and she could identify with their struggle. "Good!" I told her. Update your website to include that story. It creates an instant bond.
Even though the two hours flew by and she had a hazy, overwhelmed look on her face as I ran to my next appointment, I have every confidence that once she takes time to focus on the needs and struggle of her idea clients she'll be able to overhear them in check out lines, business networking groups, online chats and forms, in google searches and much more and say, "Hi, I know exactly how to help you!"
HOMEWORK
Answer these questions:
Make a list of your best clients.
What are the common elements about them?
What is the biggest problem you help them solve?
Does your personal story match theirs before you discovered the service you now offer?
Maybe it should.:-)
In the spirit of giving...
grab your free downloadable
book template and writing/marketing check list.
I wish I had this before I started writing books and interviewing best selling authors.:-)
http://ping.fm/DumXe
-Ruth
Ruth Anne Wood works with best selling authors, Emmy award winning film makers and experts who help her create co-authored movies, books, plays, events using the passion and creativity of a group.
http://ping.fm/isysS
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